So.... a couple of Holiday Yolks

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man from England fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The man from Scotland reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irish man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what
do those symbolize?'

The Irishman replied, 'These are Carols.'

 ~~~~~~~~

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report over the radio.   "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared.  You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Ole said, "Jeez, okay, best move da car" and got up.

Two days later, they were sipping their coffee when the weather man came on again. "There will be 4 to 7 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared.  You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."

Ole said, "Jeez, okay, I'll go move da car" and got up.

Three days later, Ole and Lena were again drinking coffee when the weather man said, "There will be 10 to 13 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared.  You must park your cars on the..."

The power went off.

Ole looked baffled. "Vat am I gonna to do now, Lena? Where do I park da car?" he asked.

"Aw Ole, yust leave de car in de garage," she said.