Saturday, January 7, 2012

I Wanna BE Pretzeldint!!!!!!!

I am running for Pretzeldint

you betcha! my hat is in the ring!  I mean, why not?  I can say stupid shit as well as the next candydate and probably make more sense saying it, too!

Like, I gotz this grate idea....I will make Macaroni and Cheese the official state meal!  What a concept! In fact... I think I will make Macaroni and Cheese the 51st State!  Oh, oh....this is gonna be fun!!!

Lesseee here.... I gotz my political primer.... everything I need to know to understand politicks and how to balance the budget.

and I have some GREAT ideas.... like..... I will outlaw the word "Gay"... it will now be know as 'heterosexually challenged'...

and broccoli will be officially banned at any meal that also features potatoes.... oh oh oh... I will get rid of the Army all together and replace it with the Green Bay Packers!

boy, am I cooking now!  I will outlaw Christianity.... it was getting stale anyway.  Maybe I will replace it with....hmmmmm.... Idle Worship..... which is what most religion is anyways... or at least that's what I get out of some of the clowns on the TV, see.

Oh Stuff... this could be fun.  Anybodyz gotz some other ideas... lemmee know.... I have to go find a running mate...

... and pick out a cabinet....

Friday, January 6, 2012


Ok..... the holidays is over.... good deal.  And I did my first screw up of 2012... or at least the first one I noticed... I deleted my blog roll.  Which I can attribute to nothing more than being stupd en notz being a good speler.  Whatever.  And I am suffering from writers block... which is better than having writer's cramps which is not like menstrual cramps which I don't know about, see, cause I am of the male persuasion... which if you had to persuade me to do anything it would be to go to Oblio's for a beer which really doesn't take much persuasion cause I get a cramp in my left hand if I do not do the 16 ounce curl for exercise at least a few times a week and seeing as this is friday I think I should head down there and exercise a little bit which is my New Beers resolution, see, to get a little exercise so I don't get cramps, is what.

Now it was vaguely rumored that Oblios is just a figment of my imagination.... which would save me a ton of money were it only true.... but it ain't..... though some of the people who go there would be better off if they were fictional.... and that would probably save them tons of money too, but nope, they are mostly real, too, except for Joe Cool.... who is mostly unreal... especially when he invites you to do a shot of Sambuca....

Well, anyways..... My friend Lee wrote a nice history of the bar which, with much witticism called History of Oblios pt 1  and then, not to be outdone.... he followed that up with History of Oblios pt 2
which just goes to show that Lee really can think up clever stuff.

anyways, see, as I was restoring my blog roll I noticed that the folks at Riding the Beer Trail  did a little post about Ob's on their blog featuring the new T's that Mark and Todd ordered up

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...... which may or may not be available for mail order.  Beats me..... you could go to FB and ask Nikki.... FB Oblio's .... but I know I already bought a couple... and gees... you could be the first one in your neighborhood/city/state/province/mental institution to own one.

The Shirt has it's genesis from an old beer brand they used to make in my section of Beautiful Downtown Wisconsin.

..... now if that doesn't sound like a commie pinko socialist liberal beer......

Thursday, January 5, 2012


Used to be a  cigar was a  smoke and a burger beat anything.  A hamburger.  On a bun.  With ketchup.  Maybe cheese...but that was it!  It was plain, basic... and gosh darn good.  Nowadays it seems like you just amble out for a walk, ..see, and you're thinking, "Goddam, I sure could go for a burger!"  but but but...what you want, see, is a date with the Parson's daughter and when you stroll into a burger joint they flip you a menu that resembles a Las Vegas whore house full of aged and ugly hiding in lettuce tomato and plastic cheese.
Oh, and the stuff they put on them! Cucumbers, teriyaki sauce, guacamole, pineapples,fried eggs, jalapenos, blu cheese, bacon, mushrooms,onions.... oh gees!  Now, none of the above is particularly 'bad' on a burger.... but mostly they mush as much of that shit on one burger that the first thing I think of is, "I'm gonna wrap my lips around..THAT?????" Now don't be getting me wrong,see, cause I like to play with my meat as well as the next cook, and adding a little extra is ok....but what about the plain and simple iconic sandwich that means more to America than Hot Dogs ever did.

So I am thinking... what happened to hamburgers?  I used to stop at this cafe just off Hwy 51 just outside of Montello, a real Mom&Pop... Grandma is in the kitchen and the Daughter-in=law runs the counter.  Must have stopped there most every monday for 15 years.  Gees, by the time  I would spit a little gravel in the parking lot and amble on in, why see, my coffee was on the counter and maybe a newspaper and I knew my burger was on the grill.  We worked that all out long time before... if it was monday it was a hamburger with fries.  On a homemade bun, lightly buttered. Honest as all get out. Add a little ketchup.  Done.   See.. that's not much to ask.

So why is this so hard for the news peoples to figure out?  Just News.  Just give me a simple who -what -when -where -why and how serve it up to me on a homemade bun and then shut up. Well, maybe a little ketchup,see.  Now take this Iowa Caucus thingee....whiich is gonna turn into a Vermont thingee and a South Carolina thingee and ad nauseum.... see, all the news tells me is 'who is ahead'...... and not a single reason why they are ahead or what....
..who's on first?  Not a decent burger in the bunch. Nope.  N0W... IF I WAS A REPUBLICAN... why I would be down right embarrassed.  It's bad enough it's just a bunch of whores... but this batch is like a forty year old whore wearing a bikini... and it sure ain't pretty, see.  And it is gonna get worse, cause soon, them whores is really gonna dance.

Reruns of Petticoat Junction will start to seem like intelligent entertainment.  I kid you not.

call me when the burgers done.

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