Friday, September 12, 2008

I Had a Dream

I dreamt I made new friends and went fishing with them in New Orleans.

I dreamt I reformed religion and made it an acceptable practice with rich tradition and meaning that the whole world could embrace.

I dreamt I discovered a renewable energy resource.

I dreamt I restored good relationships between France and America.

I dreamt I voted for the most qualified candidate in the Presidential Erection.

Oh, Wowsers!!!! I really have to be careful of what I smoke before bedtime!!!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Tangled up in Blue Elevators

OK. I had sorta, kinda planned on doing a post on elevators..... not that I have a deal about elevators..... but I have gotten to dread them.

I work in an office that makes using elevators necessary. We have both the third and fourth floors and most of the second. My desk is on the fourth.... I need to vist 2nd alot and am currently doing a project that places me on 3rd frequently..... and the goddam stairwells are way on the opposite end of the building. I have to use the elevators as an expedient.

So I had this rant I was gonna do on idiots and elevator etiquette... you know.... the morons who try to 'get on' before anyone can get off... who play their fucking Ipod so loud it gives off vibrations, who can't fucking wait to get off the elevator before using their cell phones.


ME..... from Bad Habits throws out a rhetorical question....
What if......

She mentions a French/American affairs blog where I first met her.... It was the first blog I had ever read. From there I met an incredible Native American artist who lives in New Mexico. Two years later ME and Joanne are still my friends. And, rather like popcorn, one blog leads to another, and another... and two years later I have met people from Indiana, and Cleveland and Portland and Kentucky and Iowa,California,St. Louis ...... and some folks I really am not sure 'where' they are, or where they might be from.

... and for the most part..... I really don't care. To me, it is alot of folks reaching out in search of truth, common ground, humanity, a little love (&an occasional beer)

That is all what it is about. Done&Done. Straight up stuff. I don't care if they are gay or straight or what religion they are or aren't----- if they eat meat or not.

I grok a goodness in connectivity. All good.

So what if the fucking-wingnut hadn't starting tell those stupid 'French' jokes two years ago in the car pool? What if I hadn't checked out that vile blog he recommended with all the idiot racist jokes and hadn't met Joanne who was there commenting on what idiots they were and telling them to check out a great French/American blog by Denis Chazelle ?

Aw, beats me!

And what if I hadn't met her on that bridge ten years ago only to realize it was ten years too late?

She was married when we first met

Soon to be divorced

I helped her out of a jam, I guess,

But I used a little too much force.

We drove that car as far as we could

Abandoned it out West

Split up on a dark sad night

Both agreeing it was best.

She turned around to look at me

As I was walkin' away

I heard her say over my shoulder,

"We'll meet again someday on the avenue,"

Tangled up in blue.

I guess pushing the right button on the elevator is more important than I thought.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

But Would Jesus Wear Lipstick?

On Tuesday, Obama criticized McCain's economic policies as similar to those of President Bush, saying: "You can put lipstick on a pig ... it's still a pig. You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called change. It's still going to stink after eight years."
The McCain campaign contended that the comments were directed at Palin, the GOP's first woman on a presidential ticket. In her acceptance speech last week, she had referred to herself in a joke about lipstick being the only difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull.
Accusing Obama of "smearing" Palin in "offensive and disgraceful" comments, the McCain campaign demanded an apology — though McCain himself used the folksy metaphor a few times last year, including once to describe Democratic Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's health care plan.

OK. So what's the big deal. Palin has already said that the only difference between herself and a pit-bull bitch is some lipstick. ( Yuppers, I have already been informed that I am not being fair to pit bulls.)Wowsers..... what is the big fucking deal. Obama made an analogy. It was OK for McShit to say, "Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno." And it was OK for the Old Fish to mumble....

"At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt."

Gimmee a break. If she wants to wear lipstick, I say let her. Gees, if it works for a pig, and it works for a pit bull...........................................I mean, she can use all the help she can get!

"Say, if you put lipstick on that pig, she would be a great VP"

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Up for the Game!

Wowsers..... I gotzta slow down. So I made the Badger game on Saturday..... we 'accidently' never made it back to town and didn't arrive home until 2pm Sunday...... was promptly scooped up and taken to a BBQ party and watched more football. I had no inclination to go to work yesterday...... And I met Bubba after work at Cranky Pat's Pizza to watch the Packer game and have some pizza....
even less motivation to be here today. None. I really don't want to be here. I would much rather be back in Madison...
..having some excellent coffee and pastries with Lucinda.
But that wasn't gonna happen. I am addicted to paychecks.
Not sure how that happened.
So here's the deal.... I got nothing..... I cannot get it up for work. I am limp. Flaccid. I cannot concentrate. Impotent.
So I drag my sorry butt into the office and I am looking through emails and such-like business shit.... just so I can pretend I am earning the paycheck I have become addicted to... when I come across a little snippet from one of our services.....
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid I'm thinking.... wowsers, this IS progress..... and the article continues.......will be marketed byPepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
Now I am thinking to myself; it will now be possible for a man to literally pour himselfa stiff one.

This new product cannot be called a softdrink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Ya, know.... I really like the Viagra ads on TV. My favorite is those dudes who sing, 'Viva Viagra'. You know the one.... group of guys who have gotten together for a jam session, to sing about ... the wonders of erectile dysfunction medication. Like, gimmee a break or gimmee a beer, but what the fuck is up with that commercial? These dudes cannot get it up.... and when they DO..... they sit around and SING about it! Not go find their female companion and share the miracle..... nope, they are just gonna sit around and sing about how happy they are that they got a hard-on. Sheesh... and four hours later, when they still have a hard-on cause they were too stupid to share the miracle, they all go to the Doctor's office to see what they are supposed to do with this incredibly long lasting stiff schlong!
I really think that is one of the dumbest ads I have ever seen. I am wondering if that is one of the side effects..... it makes you stupid. So I check this Viagra site on the web where it talks about side effects....
"During sexual activity, if you become dizzy or nauseated, or have pain, numbness, or tingling in your chest, arms, neck, or jaw, stop and call your doctor right away. You could be having a serious side effect."
Break me up! I really like the part... 'pain or numbness in my jaw.... stop and call your doctor'.... C'mon... whatever happened to common sense, like, "gees, honey, maybe we should try another position."
Oh, I guess if you sing about how great your hard-on is for too long you can end up with numbness in your jaw!
Thought for the day:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Oh Wowsers, I am still tired

I had this whole thingee I was writing about the football game in Madison, and how we lost Carver, and then Joslyn.....
How Lucinda and I crashed a frat party...
getting lost in Madison..... running into my old buddy 'The Puppy' and how he is now a State Senator.... (and still a shitty drunk)..
and then found Carter.....but re-lost Joslyn.....
and then meet up with Bubba and his Band of Buddies at the Black Keys concert..... forgetting where we parked the car....decided to crash in Madison for the night, calling all over for a motel room....
....but the computer ate my homework. I felt like I was in college again.
All I got left is the Fleetwood Mac song we played over and over.....

Did You Ever Love Me

Ohh you're a dream
Hide your head in the sand
You're far away,when I want you around
And you leave me lonely when I'm feeling down
Do your ever wonder, or worry about me
Did I ever love you, did you ever love me
Do your ever wonder, or worry about me
Did I ever love you, did you ever love me

Why is it baby, our love just won't grow
You made me happy but time has gone by
Please leave me softly, I won't say goodbye
So all I wanted slips through my hands
You're far away when I want you around
And you leave me lonely when I'm feeling down

Do your ever wonder, or worry about me
Did I ever love you, did you ever love me
Do your ever wonder, or worry about me
Did I ever love you, did you ever love me

I realize I cannot party like 1973 anymore....... but gees, it sure brought back some neat-o memories.
I have to rest up, here at work. Packers kick-off in three hours!

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