Tuesday, December 30, 2008
So this Christmas I feed his addiction with some classic films that I loved when I was his age.
One was "Harold and Maude." Which blew his mind. (what little is left after a diet of pizza, Burger King&Beer). And also sent him out to get some early Cat Stevens. Which is currently being played non-stop in his car, his apartment...... and now in my head.
In the quiet silent seconds
Come down in time I still hear her say
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled
"211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination,
and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it
represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in
Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears
that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety
one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the
"Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal
of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite
certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work
in the field were loath to come to contradiction with your
However, we do feel that there are a number of physical
attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern
1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains
are typically fossilized bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9
cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest
3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more
consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the
"ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the
wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one
of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your
history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh
rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail,
let us say that:
A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll
that a dog has chewed on.
B. Clams don't have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny
your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due
to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and
partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of
recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie
dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is
likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny
your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's
Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen
the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking
personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of
your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because
the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really
sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this
fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not
a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example
of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so
effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a
special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens
you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire
staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your
digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We
eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you
proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the
Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in
hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating
fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes
the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently
discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm
Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Monday, December 15, 2008
So I am doing what I usually do this time of year.... scrounging cash to buy Christmas presents. Coats in the closet is a good place to start. I never know what I leave in pockets. That got me $10. In the couch cushions, behind the chairs, nooks&crannies, under dust-bunnies on the stairs. That netted me $11.56. I collect antique banks and fill them with change. There's another $24.18! I thought to clean out my e-mail files. "Ha!", you say! Silly jimm, you do not find spare change in e-mail files!
"Ha!," I would reply, "There was a $50 Barnes&Noble gift certificate from the company in there!"
And also some old grins&giggles.
I think AnaJo from New Mexico....(rhymes, huh!) sent me this link a couple of years ago....a real wingnut site, http://shelleytherepublican.com/. I am still not sure if it is for real, which would make it pathetic, or a satire, which would make it just a shade under brilliant. I have a feeling, though, that it is not a spoof.... but it is still hilarious. Shelly tells me about God and choices...
=============Wrong ChoicesGod’s lifestyle choices hitlist : God hates people that belong to one of the groups below because they harm America!
Animal Rights People
“Global Warming/Cooling” Believers
“Purpose Driven” churches
Government school teachers
The anti-smoking lobby
And Shelly covers Liberals, too!!
For those of you that are not quite clear what liberals really are, here a list of the most typical characteristics of liberals:
§ Being liberal means blaming America first and loving the enemy
§ Being liberal means destroying, hurting and mutilate innocence
§ Being liberal means killing the most innocent and defenseless, the pre-born Americans
§ Being liberal means driving foreign cars only
§ Being liberal means calling our soldiers “war criminals”
§ Being liberal means performing anal sex
§ Being liberal means having no respect
§ Being liberal means spitting on soldier’s graves
§ Being liberal means putting rohypnol in somebodies drink
§ Being liberal means laughing about Christians
§ Being liberal means having no values
§ Being liberal means having anal sex behind the dumpster
§ Being liberal means cashing welfare checks
§ Being liberal means giving the gay virus to your sexual partner
§ Being liberal means abusing children
§ Being liberal means always complaining but never offering solutions
§ Being liberal means being a coward
§ Being liberal means kicking dogs
§ Being liberal means using obscene 4-letter words
§ Being liberal means hating their own race
§ Being liberal means watching porn
§ Being liberal means using illegal drugs
§ Being liberal means not speaking the Pledge of Allegiance
§ Being liberal means not wearing a flag lapel pin
§ Being liberal means pallin’ around with terrorists
§ Being liberal means celebrating 9/11
§ Being liberal means eating cheese and drinking wine
§ Being liberal means calling real Americans “redneck” or “hillbillies”
§ Being liberal means being elitist
§ Being liberal means demanding sex “education” for children
§ Being liberal means believing that ones grandparents are monkies
§ Being liberal means animals are superior to humans
§ Being liberal means humans must die in order to protect the environment
§ Being liberal means speaking to ones plants and hugging trees
§ Being liberal means drinking tee
§ Being liberal means reading books
§ Being liberal means wearing round classes
§ Being liberal means wearing sandals
§ Being liberal means being afraid of guns
§ Being liberal means using abortion as a way of birth control
§ Being liberal means using Ubuntu, Macs and iPods
§ Being liberal means to slander and libel
§ Being liberal means to feel superior when confronted by a retard
§ Being liberal means having no compassion or empathy
§ Being liberal means being scared at night because God has rejected you
§ Being liberal means touching girls on the bus
§ Being liberal means playing with yourself while watching horror movies
§ Being liberal means to stink and never take a shower
§ Being liberal means being unemployed and blaming somebody else for it
§ Being liberal means being an atheist
§ Being liberal means being a vegetarian or vegan
§ Being liberal means hating what America stands for
§ Being liberal means going to Hell
§ Being liberal means being ANTI-AMERICAN
My favorite Shelly is: http://shelleytherepublican.com/2007/06/21/cyclists-the-two-wheeled-menace.aspx
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The deal is that I really get the seasonal blues. Christmas is an extremely shitty season for me. It seems like bunches of crappy stuff seems to happen just before the holiday. Death, dishonesty, disease, disaster, divorce, downsize..... if the 'D' fits, it happened. And I know I get Seasonal Disaffected Disorder (what's wrong with calling it the blues? go figger!)
Anyways. That seems to be the tone this year too. My back is killing me and I may need to opt for surgery. The condition is not life threatening, should not have any crippling impact, but it hurts like a sonofabitch when it pinches the nerve. So I have been feeling very morose and discordant and grouchy until I picked up this morning's newspaper and there is a human interest story about my buddy Tom Rued.
Dr. Tom Rued examines his patient at ValleyVision Clinic.
Read the story. http://www.postcrescent.com/article/20081211/APC0101/812110528/1979
Last May Tom was lucky enough to get to the hospital in time for a life saving operation. He was flown from east central Wisconsin to the University of Wisconsin Hospital in Madison. Later they told him he would not have made it if he had arrived as little as a half hour later.
Two weeks later we were together at a mutual friend's house for a graduation party. I was flabbergasted (gees, is it ok to write flabbergasted?) Tom is a grinny guy. He was very grinny that day. He bitched that he could not play golf or go fishing for the rest of the summer.... and then laughed. He regaled everyone with the story of how his wife, with her insistence of immediate travel to the local hospital, saved his life. He waxed eloquent on how much he loved her, his friends, how the fishing would be better next year anyway, how beautiful the day was. I never heard him laugh as much (and he is jocular) or so well.
After I read the story and emailed some friends ( yuppers, buncha buddy emails this morning) I felt crappy for letting some back pain bring me down.
Soap floats, and so does hope.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Freezing DrizzleHigh 29°F
A chance of light freezing drizzle and flurries during the morning...Then snow likely during the afternoon. Around an inch of accumulation possible. Highs in the upper 20s. Southeast winds 5 to 10 mph. Chance of precipitation 70 percent.
Sleet Low 29°F
Snow...Heavy at Times. The snow May briefly mix with sleet in the southern fox valley this evening. 6 to 8 inches of accumulation expected. Lows in the upper 20s. East winds 5 to 10 mph. Chance of precipitation near 100 percent.
Blowing Snow High 31°F
Areas of blowing snow. Snow...Heavy at Times. Another 3 to 5 inches of accumulation expected...Bringing the total accumulation to 10 to 14 inches. Highs in the lower 30s. Brisk northeast winds 15 to 25 mph. Chance of snow near 100 percent.
Blowing Snow Low 10°F
Areas of blowing snow through the night. Light snow likely during the evening...Then scattered flurries after midnight. Less than an inch of accumulation expected. Lows around 10 above zero. North winds 10 to 20 mph with gusts to around 25 mph. Chance of snow 60 percent.
Ok. I was gonna be a nice dude and not get upset with winter this year. But is is only the 8th and it is gonna stick around until mid-March. But I will be positive. I will think clearly (sorta) and try to embrace the hope of an early spring.
All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace
I like to think (and
the sooner the better!)
of a cybernetic meadow
where mammals and computers
live together in mutually
like pure water
touching clear sky.
I like to think
(right now, please!)
of a cybernetic forest
filled with pines and electronics
where deer stroll peacefully
as if they were flowers
with spinning blossoms.
I like to think
(it has to be!)
of a cybernetic ecology
where we are free of our labors
and joined back to nature,
returned to our mammal
brothers and sisters,
and all watched overby machines of loving grace.
Friday, December 5, 2008
That would kinda sum up Billy. And he actually has found a bunch of stuff that does work. Currently he is taking aerial photographs from his plane and selling them at art shows and on line. I think he is getting pretty good.
(plus he'll usually buy me a beer if I endorse him)
But the real deal with Billy is he is a fun guy. He thinks fun. He is always grabbing an idea and running with it. When he found out that wild ginseng was selling for about $350 bucks a pound... he was ready to hit the woods looking.
Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play. –HeraclitusWell then, Billy is most nearly himself most nearly all the time. He is so optimistic that if you filled his Christmas stocking with horse shit he would grab a rope and go looking for the pony that got away. He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants.
Some pursue happiness, others create it. –Anonymous
Sometimes I wish he wouldn't create so much of it.
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
I have never heard him sing..... but he does laugh like Mr. Ed; he probably sings like Elvis..... or at least thinks he does. He is that optimistic.
I think it is time to leave the office, forget the long winter and have a beer with Billy Lang. Maybe he'll sing for me.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wind on the Hill
No one can tell me,
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Now there might be some folks who enjoy winter and there may be those that wax rhapsodic on the wistful white wonder of snow....... but I sure ain't one o dem!!
And more snow is predicted. And more cold. And then more snow. Winter.... pffffttt!!!
I love the environment as much as the next beer guzzler, but I am more concerned with Jimm-warming than I am about Global Warming...... from now through March.
Life is a beach.... ana I wanna know why I am not ON ONE!!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
That's a tough one. No one really knows my mother's middle name. We think it is Ann. Mary Ann. But she uses Marion. We call her Miriam. I guess for #1 I have to respond: Grandma Robert.
3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name): Grjame. Man, that sucks! I wanna be Bobba Bhing, or some such cool name!
4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): Blue Bird. Shit! that doesn't cut it, either! Sounds like a fruit juice or some goddam character outa a Disney flick. I'm not sure this is fun, or what?
8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): Vanilla Oreo ? Again! Shit! Use that as a gangsta name and you will get the piss knocked outa you every Saturday night! Okjimm is a hard sell the way it is, no way I gonna try on Vanilla Oreo!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
.............cavernous caches of crisp clean currency..Indeed&Doodey!!!!!!!!!! For having the prudence and soul to pursue the former advice and the intellect to eschew the later endeavor as an exercise as futile as playing Monopoly with God I have become a much richer man for having met so many marvelous people....
A Blog By Me
A Feather Adrift
Color Sweet Tooth (click to galleries)
Function of Time
Its my Right to be Left of the Center
Journeys with Jood
La Belette Rouge
M. Frederick Voorhees
Missy's Big Fish Stories
My Saturday Evening Post
Rantings Of The Lazy Iguana
Than Kwee Salon in the Land of Enchantment
The Dean's Office
THE DIVINE DEMOCRAT
The Invisible Woman
The Unconventional Conventionist
When Will I Use This?
...........and through the wings of their words, the wonder of their worlds, the wink of their witticisms, the snide of the snark and a hearty "Heigh-ho Silver", I have been able to see a shared vista of America that my heart fervently hopes will never diminish and always shine, from sea to shining-fucking sea. Amber Waves and the Purple Mountain thingee, too!!!
Gees, on second thought, that's a lotta dough!
I best be having a beer and think this over a bit more.I mean, it's really a lotta money.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed,
In love's hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers by the trees
There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You'll still be the one.
I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky.
And after all the loves of my life After all the loves of my life
I'll be thinking of you And wondering why.
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Maybe I should seek medical attention.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
so......... Mathman tagged me...
The purpose is to share 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about your self. Here are the rules for this meme:
1. Link to the person that tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagged peops know once your entry is UP. Blog pal Dr Zibbs tagged me with the 6 odd things/quirks about me meme.
SIX... only six! SHeesh! non-important/quirks/habits... picking only six is akin to asking what my favorite sentences are in War and Peace! But I will give it a whirl...
1. I am a peanut butter freak. Skippy. On toast, bananas, apples, sandwichs, cottage cheese,oatmeal ...I have yet to find something that does not taste good with peanut butter. (well, there are exceptions.... smoked oysters and peanut butter do NOT taste good together)
2. I collect straight razors. I collect a lotta stuff... but I have had problems shaving (over active facial hair) since 8th grade. Friends starting giving me different razors to try. I fell in love with the beauty of antique straight razors.... ivory inlaid handles, imbedded silver work. Some are very beautiful.
3. I am afraid of heights.....but used to high dive from quarry cliffs. It was kinda like having panic attacks for fun.
4. I had a great-uncle who was a priest and presided at the burial mass for Joseph McCarthy.
5. I love watching High School Marching bands in parades. Even if they play badly. Brings tears to my eyes. Not sure why... but they are the only reason I watch parades.
6. I do not own a computer but really like blogging. I suppose I could get one.... but sometimes I think it would take away from the time I use to drink beer or watch High School Marching bands playing badly.
I am not going to tag anyone. Making links makes me think of breakfast with eggs and toast.
Then the esteemed humanitarian/activist/neat-o Border Explorer was kind enough to tag me with.....
Tagging for Blogger Album Project The multitalented Robert Rouse of Left of Centrist started up a project to track our musical tastes.THE RULES:
1. Post your list of the seven best albums, the seven bloggers you will tag, a copy of these rules, and a link back to this page.
2. Each person tagged will put a URL to their Blogger Album Project post along with a list of the seven best albums in the comment section HERE.
3. Feel free to post the “I Contributed to the Blogger Album Project” Award Graphic on your sidebar, along with a link back to this page.
4. Post a link back to the blogger who tagged you.Tagging for Blogger Album Project The multitalented Robert Rouse of Left of Centrist started up a project to track our musical tastes.
So, in no particular order...
I was a Fleetwood Freakie in the early 70's. The guitar work of Danny Kirwan and Bob Welch on Bare Trees blew me away when I first heard it. Plus I gotza thing about trees in autumn and the album jacket photo still blows me away.
Some of the best piano I have ever heard. The best thing to put on the stereo on a sunday morning making tea while your lover is lounging in bed.
Herbie. Some of the best. Head Hunters was a revelation.
I was seventeen when I started college. I didn't know a soul on campus. A couple of weeks of trying to make the football team as a slow 175lb linebacker left me feeling alone, bruised and beaten. I was walking past a lounge in the union and heard Phil and realized that we are together, all of us, in feeling alone, bruised and beaten. It is what makes tomorrow possible.