Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
And I have a copy of Killer Clowns from Outer Space....
Taking off on Friday...... Dr. Kickbutt and the Orchestra of Death are at the coffee house.... The Gallery walk is Saturday....and I have a cold twelve of a decent nut-brown ale chilling in the fridge.
I feel da love alla round me! What more could a poor boy want?
I would still go trick-or-treating if they gave out doughnuts, but, alas, it was a tradition that never caught on.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Nope, that Dude had a dream...... I am checking on folks with an AGENDA.... ya know, like John McHappyPol is talking about.....MCCAIN:(speaking re: Palin) As a cold political calculation, I could not be more pleased. She has excited and energized our base. She is a direct counterpoint to the liberal feminist agenda for America. She has a wonderful family. She's a reformer. She's a conservative. She's the best thing that could have happened to my campaign and to America.
OK.... so I checked out this liberal feminist agenda thingee...googled it... and found:
0800 - 0815 Introduction, Opening Remarks
0815 - 0915 Plot to Overthrow World Leadership
0915 - 0930 BREAK - Coffee and donuts
0930 - 1030 Undermine World Religions
1030 - 1200 General Attacks on the Institution of the American Family
1200 - 1300 Catered Lunch and Fashion Show
1300 - 1330 Plot to Remove All Men From The World
1330 - 1400 BREAK - Cake and Champagne
1400 - 1500 Leave Husbands (If Applicable)
1500 - 1530 Kill Children
1530 - 1700 Become Lesbian
1730+ Evening Mixer; Open Bar
Well, Shit&Bisquits! That would be a heavy day for anyone! I am truly glad I am not a liberal feminist with an agenda.... GOLLLEEE GOP! That would just plumb wear me out! But I guess I could be one... if I wanted to. I think I have the balls to be a liberal feminist.
..... But a whole agenda? Gees, it sounds like a lotta work.
n. pl. a·gen·das
1. A list or program of things to be done or considered:
Usually I have a simple agenda, like, ya know.... wake up, have coffee and doughnut, go to work, pretend to work, go home, have beer.
Anyways, my good buddy at work, Curt, and I were discussing what all the fuss is on the Right-Wing-Lipstick-Pitbull-Bullshit Agenda and why THEY are so concerned about agendas.
Like the Gay Agenda. I was kinda concerned, there, too, so I looked that up and, ya know..... The Republicans are RIGHT! This is what I found!
The Homosexual Agenda
8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.
8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a 300 count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.
8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell them you are late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.
8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, "It was fun. I'll give you a call," as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.
8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you've heard about Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.
8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and the only shirt that is clean.
8:45 a.m. Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.
9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.
9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add "It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him."
10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a client." Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda anti-humectant pomade.
11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.
12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.
12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, taking ten minutes to knot your tie while you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a t-back and having dollars stuffed in their crotch.
1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis size from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 12:30.
2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.
3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments (in addition to other nations' governments); destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle; secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent children; give AIDS to as many people as you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and turn people away from Jesus, causing them to burn forever in Hell.
4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western Civilization and look like you are having way too much fun doing it.
4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest and being so terribly witty.
6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.
6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.
7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch and announce in a loud voice, "Over!"
7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch and go to a cool store to begin shopping.
8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be "over" by the time it gets its first review in the local paper.
10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can't navigate a crowd with a lit cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make audible remark about how "trashy" people who still think smoking is acceptable are.
12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too
(blatantly ripped off from http://www.bettybowers.com/homoagenda.html)
Boy, I dunno.... Seems like the Right Wing is really afraid of Agendas. I'm sure there is a Vicious Vegan Agenda, a Bold Black Agenda, A Pepperoni Pizza Agenda, an Anti-American Agenda........I bet there is even a Tree-Hugger-Save-Baby-Seals Agenda!!
We's gotzta be careful out there!!!
.... but Republicans never came up with an Agenda of there own....... and really fucked up America.
..... as long as it is not a liberal, feminist, vegan, black, agnostic, gay, athiest, pinko, commie, fascist, eco-freak beer. I wanna grow up an be a real American!!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
The local Dem headquarters is just a block from my apartment. I am volunteering some time (just a little) to do phone calls. Last Thursday Carole King was in, drumming up some excitement.
Her hair is a lot greyer, but she is a very nice, amiable person. I was able to say, "Hi". What fun.
And work is the pits. I had two weeks of vacation left in 08, a week of which I have to use before December 4th. So I am officially taking a lot of time off. Unofficially, I wasn't working too much, anyways. I think my next 'scheduled' full week is sometime in January.
But now for something totally irrelevant, as opposed to mostly irrelevant.
A small story.
when they saw a sign that said, "Old Timer's Bar" "All Drinks 10 Cents!"
They looked at each other, then went in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender said in a voice that carried across the room, "Come on
in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?"
All four asked for a martini. In short order, the bartender served up four iced
martinis, shaken, not stirred, and said, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
The four men stared at the bartender for a moment, looked at each
other....then paid the 40 cents.
After the second round, which cost them under a dollar, their curiosity
got the best of them. Finally, one of the men said, "How can you afford to
serve martinis as good as these for only a dime apiece?"
"Well, I'm a retired tailor from Boston, and I always wanted to own a
bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $50 million and decided to open this
place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same."
"Wow, that's quite a story" said one of the men.
As they continued to sip their martinis, they couldn't help but notice
the other three guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front
of them....and hadn't ordered anything all the while they were there.
One of the men gestured toward the men with no drinks and asked the
bartender, "What's with them?"
"Oh, they're from Wisconsin. They're waiting for happy hour at 5 o'clock
when drinks are half price."
1) She says, 'You Betcha' alot better than the Polar Queen.
2) She has a much more astute world political view than Palin and has never seen Russia from her window.
3) Pours a real Mavericky Pint of Stout.
4) Has never put lipstick on a pig ( she did try to put some on her bull-dog, but it drooled off)
5) Promises to Reform Oblios.
6) Strongly endorses Pro-Choice tequila shots.
7) Makes great hand bags and CAN show you an example instead of 'getting back to you'
8) Does NOT have a pregnant daughter
9) Does not shot wolves from Airplanes
10) Is really a great friend.