Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The cessation of pain.


I have a hole in my back. In the spine. I never knew until fourteen years ago.
I took a serious slip, crashed and promptly lost all feeling in my left leg. Hospital and Xrays.
There is a small hole in one of my vertebrae. Spina bifida occulta. In and of itself, this form does not cause serious problems, but when I fell I chipped a little bit of bone adjoining the hole. Periodically I pinch a nerve where the bone chip is. It will not heal by itself. The doctor's recommended surgery to fuse the whole hole. The option was just live with it; it may cause problems from time to time. Those times may be far apart. Those times may be short or they may linger.
I think I was polite, but I remember thinking, "Fuck this shit! Nobody is gonna operate! What's a little pain!"
Boy. Sometimes it is not a little pain..........it's a lot. And lingers. And sometimes it is not a problem for a year or so. And then I have need to ice it, lay down and listen to the blues, have a bit of whiskey and refuse to acknowledge pain. I am in an icing mode now.
Some days I feel that I have iced my soul so that I can no longer recognize the love in front of me.
There is no surgery for that. Just blues tunes.
Just another icing mode.

10 comments:

Randal Graves said...

Spina bifida occulta.

See what happens when you worship Beelzebub?

Probably cost an arm, a leg, and an 18-wheeler full of beer to have that fixed. So drink some of the beer, put on some blues and rest easy, my friend.

anita said...

a chiropractor can't help?

but i agree, i would avoid back and neck surgery at all costs. orthopedic surgeons, i hear, can be an unscrupulous bunch.

love the bird house ... reminds me of my house, without snow.

and where is that damn snow, anyway?

Liberality said...

I am sorry to read about how much pain you are in. Pain is mother natures way of telling us something is wrong...you remember the song I'm sure:
it's natures way of telling you something's wrong

My husband had back surgery when he couldn't stand the pain any longer (he had a blown disk--the disk was completely GONE) and now he is pain free. I hope you achieve freedom from pain too in whatever way you can.

DCup said...

Ouch, man. Can I send more ice, whiskey and someone beautiful to apply it? Maybe the blues won't last too long then.

Dusty said...

I know your pain personally (3 blown discs lower back), and for that I am sad because you are hurting so much. :(

I love da blues, its my music of choice.

I hope you feel better very very soon dear man.

Hugs and some Howlin Wolf going your way.

Sherry Peyton said...

I truly commiserate with your pain. I threw my back out about 6 weeks ago and wonder if it will ever get better. I can turn my torso and bend and hear the most ugly grinding, but no pain. The pain seems centered in my muscles, especially at the hips. I wish you will, I use heat all the time now, trying to keep the blood flowing and hopefully improve it. Sigh...I don't even want to think about surgery and with no insurance, that is simply not an option.

Dean Wormer said...

Whiskey cures everything.

I'm sorry to hear about your back. :-(

Border Explorer said...

My husband's back surgery success story is the same as Lib's. That kind of pain makes living misery. I am sad that you must battle this.

Distributorcap said...

ouch -- i will send you some beer

Spartacus said...

Oh man.. I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain.

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