I have a hole in my back. In the spine. I never knew until fourteen years ago.
I took a serious slip, crashed and promptly lost all feeling in my left leg. Hospital and Xrays.
There is a small hole in one of my vertebrae. Spina bifida occulta. In and of itself, this form does not cause serious problems, but when I fell I chipped a little bit of bone adjoining the hole. Periodically I pinch a nerve where the bone chip is. It will not heal by itself. The doctor's recommended surgery to fuse the whole hole. The option was just live with it; it may cause problems from time to time. Those times may be far apart. Those times may be short or they may linger.
I think I was polite, but I remember thinking, "Fuck this shit! Nobody is gonna operate! What's a little pain!"
Boy. Sometimes it is not a little pain..........it's a lot. And lingers. And sometimes it is not a problem for a year or so. And then I have need to ice it, lay down and listen to the blues, have a bit of whiskey and refuse to acknowledge pain. I am in an icing mode now.
Some days I feel that I have iced my soul so that I can no longer recognize the love in front of me.
There is no surgery for that. Just blues tunes.
Just another icing mode.