Fear of Musicals

Oh, gees. I had another nightmare last night. Big Time. I bolted awake, 3am.....a sheen of clamy sweat on my brow....my heart racing like a mongrel after a bitch in heat....my toenails curled...my tongue thick and clotted like left-over spaghetti....

....when you're a Jet

You're a Jet all the way

From your first cigarette

To your last dying day...

I had dreamt I was trapped in a broadway musical! And not just one! it was a whole BLENDER full of them! A whole fucking WHIRLPOOL of sappy songs!

...Try not to get worried

Try not to turn on to

Problems that upset you...

I got a drink of water to clear my head. This was some bad news. I hadn't had that kind of vivid dream since....of gees, lemme think, Sunday night? And Every woman I had ever dated was in the dream...singing ... wowsers!

I feel pretty,

Oh, so pretty

I feel pretty and witty and bright

And I pity

Any girl who isn't me tonight....

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream

Knowing a secret

Climbing a tree....

Some enchanted evening

You may see a stranger

You may see a stranger

Across a crowded room....

I think my Fear of Musicals started when I was dating Nancy-with- the- Long Legs. She loved musicals. I was eventually forced to break up with her. Life had become a series of balcony seats. Yuppers, my sweetie on my right and some old over dressed, drenched in cheap perfume fat lady on my left who is gonna sing along to all the songs that I don't even want to hear the PROFESSIONALS sing, much less her!

The good part is that musicals always made Nancy horny.... the bad part was every time she had an orgasm...she would sing...

Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain

And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet

When the wind comes right behind the rain....

Pfffffffft....trying listening to THAT six or seven times a night!!!

But the dream had all the women I had known! Cathy and Susan and Maureen and Kate and Nicole and Cheryl (who can't sing) and Sharon and Jan..... and they were all singing and giving me a hard time for not buying tickets for good seats and not taking them out for a good dinner....sheeeesh

Now I have nothing against musicals anymore than I have a personal vendetta against artichokes..... or pickled pigs feet.....but C'mon...

enough is enough..... Maybe there is a Musical Therapy Group....or Musical Anon...

And when I kiss you, just say to me

"It's delightful, it's delicious

It's delectable, it's delirious

It's dilemma, it's delimit, it's deluxe

It's de-lovely

Or maybe I should just quit smoking that high octane Columbian shit and quit munchin' on sardine and bacon sandwichs before bedtime.....

...and certainly not ever eat Tibetan Budhist cakes made with parched barley flour and rancid butter

Life, it is a bitch, man

Ya Ba Dabba Dabba Do.......