Monday, June 23, 2008

Beware of Falling Muffins

It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice.
--Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

Ok. I gotta confess. I have a fear of being crushed to death by baked goods. I think it started when my brother hit me in the eyes with one of my Grandmother's cookies. Almost blinded me.

Then I thought my mother was trying to poison me with Rhubarb pie. I hated Rhubarb. It was a slow but steady progression.... I could not stand baked goods. Brownies, cake, doughnuts....oh the wicked misery, the pain, the angst....the icing!

Therapy did help and, for the most part, I'm OK now. But I still have alot of anxiety about muffins..... Ya never know when one might fall on you. I look for them. Hey, the Keebler elves live in trees, ya know... and they are evil little shits. Best to be careful, huh?


Anonymous said...

One can never be too careful with baked goods.

I know the brownies I baked yesterday are plotting against my arteries. The bastards.

okjimm said...

Ya, Brownies have Fascist tendencies!!!! They took over my waistline, once!! Assholes!

Scarlet W. Blue said...

Plus, that stuff is so FATTENING! It is from the DEVIL!

okjimm said...

Yuppers...that is why the call it "Devil's Food Cake"! Nobody, NOBODY....makes Jesus-cookies, or Vatican Pie, or such-like stuff! Something to think about, huh?

DivaJood said...

Okay, being crushed by a blueberry muffin does qualify as mighty scary. Yikes. I think it might be worse than being eaten by spiders.

okjimm said...

oh, much worse than eaten by spiders! Crushed by Muffins is .... a .... crumb-y way to go!

Mary Ellen said...

okjimm- Actually, there is a cake called "Dolce Del Pappa" (Pope Cake). I had some once, thought it was dry, so I think I'll try to make it myself one day. Maybe it's dry on know, Catholics are supposed to suffer and all.

Personally, IMO, Canoli is the way to go. If a giant canoli fell on my car, I wouldn't mind eating my way out of it. At least I would die with a smile on my face. Wait...I used to say that about sex. Ok...the canoli comes AFTER sex and THEN I'll die with a smile on my face.

okjimm said...

Pope Cake? C'mon...really! Well there must be Nun-Cookies, huh? Canoili.....never touch the stuff...I fry all my food in peanut oil. ;)

Mary Ellen said...

Okjimm- Well, there isn't a cake for a nun, but there is a drink.

Ingredients for a Hot Nun

* Frangelico
* Honey
* Cloves
* Lemon Peel
* Water

Quantities for one drink:

* 1 1/2 oz Frangelico
* 1 Tblsp Honey
* 3 Sticks Cloves
* Lemon Peel
* Fill With Hot Water

Blending Instructions:

* Pour Frangelico into glass, then honey, next lemon peel and cloves and fill snifter with hot water

Serving Glass

Brandy SnifterBrandy Snifter

*********** ***********

I'd give you the ingredients for a REAL hot nun, but I don't want to muck up your new blog with all kinds of dirty sex talk. ;-)

okjimm said...

Lemon Peel

pfffft....I thought you did 'Hot Nuns' straight up?

'Frangelico', gees whattazat? These days I am leary of things not on tap. hmmmm

susan said...

The scariest cakes I ever heard of are sacrificial cakes used in Tibetan Buddhist ceremonies as offerings to deities. The unbaked cakes are prepared by kneading parched barley flour and butter into the shapes of cones, decorated with pats of butter. For presentation to the wrathful Tantric deities, the gtor-ma are realistically coloured and modelled to resemble parts of the human body. How'd you like a giant foot cake to land on your car? Hope you sleep well tonight :-)

Mary Ellen said...

susan- I don't think jimm would like a foot cake, he seems to be more of a breast man. :-)

DAD said...

Oh.... Jimmmm you make posts too often.... We have no time to follow!

I see that there is the very powerful wind to you!

Hello Sister Mary Ellen!
Kiss for you !
Hello Susan !
Kiss also !

Not for Jimmm... Just a bear... No... Beer for you...

Mary Ellen, you ever don't drink alcohol? just water, honey and Fra Angelico?
Pffffffff ....... this is worth nothing!

DAD said...

Strange people!

DAD said...

Poor people....

G.W. Bush for president......
Ronald Reagan.......


DAD said...

Soon a trader of potatoes! Mc Kain!!!!!


DAD said...

Jimmmm ! You did not have to treat me as communist....

Mary Ellen said...

Hello dad!

Actually, I've never had that drink before, I just found it on the Internet. I usually only drink wine and I'll have an occasional beer. I've never been a fan of mixed drinks...well, except for an icy cold margarita when I'm eating Mexican food.

It's so good to see you around!

Here's a kiss right back at ya! Mmmmwaaa! Did ya get it?

okjimm said...

bonjour, mon ami... Je suis heureux que vous visitiez. Avez-vous apport� le fromage ? Mon esprit devient faible pour le manque de fromage fran�ais! J'ai essay� de traduire "MOUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA"

Il semble que le Fran�ais parle le fran�ais pauvrement comme je le parle!

Bisquits &stuff to you as well!

susan said...

Good morning ME! Bonjour Dad! oops, have I forgotten someone? Oh yes, hey jimm!

hmm.. giant breast made with parched barley flour and rancid butter falling out of sky. Quell experience effrayante! Sounds like what we'd wish on the commander in chief and his wicked minions.

Randal Graves said...

This blog is offensive.

You promised pictures of muffins, not MUFFINS.

okjimm said...

Ya, susan....I betcha it is rancid YAK butter, too!

Gees, Randal, get your own muffins.....I think there is a new Muffins-R-US over on Hwy 76.

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