It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice.--Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
Ok. I gotta confess. I have a fear of being crushed to death by baked goods. I think it started when my brother hit me in the eyes with one of my Grandmother's cookies. Almost blinded me.
Then I thought my mother was trying to poison me with Rhubarb pie. I hated Rhubarb. It was a slow but steady progression.... I could not stand baked goods. Brownies, cake, doughnuts....oh the wicked misery, the pain, the angst....the icing!
Therapy did help and, for the most part, I'm OK now. But I still have alot of anxiety about muffins..... Ya never know when one might fall on you. I look for them. Hey, the Keebler elves live in trees, ya know... and they are evil little shits. Best to be careful, huh?
22 comments:
One can never be too careful with baked goods.
I know the brownies I baked yesterday are plotting against my arteries. The bastards.
Ya, Brownies have Fascist tendencies!!!! They took over my waistline, once!! Assholes!
Plus, that stuff is so FATTENING! It is from the DEVIL!
Yuppers...that is why the call it "Devil's Food Cake"! Nobody, NOBODY....makes Jesus-cookies, or Vatican Pie, or such-like stuff! Something to think about, huh?
Okay, being crushed by a blueberry muffin does qualify as mighty scary. Yikes. I think it might be worse than being eaten by spiders.
oh, much worse than eaten by spiders! Crushed by Muffins is .... a .... crumb-y way to go!
okjimm- Actually, there is a cake called "Dolce Del Pappa" (Pope Cake). I had some once, thought it was dry, so I think I'll try to make it myself one day. Maybe it's dry on purpose...you know, Catholics are supposed to suffer and all.
Personally, IMO, Canoli is the way to go. If a giant canoli fell on my car, I wouldn't mind eating my way out of it. At least I would die with a smile on my face. Wait...I used to say that about sex. Ok...the canoli comes AFTER sex and THEN I'll die with a smile on my face.
Pope Cake? C'mon...really! Well there must be Nun-Cookies, huh? Canoili.....never touch the stuff...I fry all my food in peanut oil. ;)
Okjimm- Well, there isn't a cake for a nun, but there is a drink.
Ingredients for a Hot Nun
* Frangelico
* Honey
* Cloves
* Lemon Peel
* Water
Quantities for one drink:
* 1 1/2 oz Frangelico
* 1 Tblsp Honey
* 3 Sticks Cloves
* Lemon Peel
* Fill With Hot Water
Blending Instructions:
* Pour Frangelico into glass, then honey, next lemon peel and cloves and fill snifter with hot water
Serving Glass
Brandy SnifterBrandy Snifter
*********** ***********
I'd give you the ingredients for a REAL hot nun, but I don't want to muck up your new blog with all kinds of dirty sex talk. ;-)
Lemon Peel
Cloves.....
pfffft....I thought you did 'Hot Nuns' straight up?
'Frangelico', gees whattazat? These days I am leary of things not on tap. hmmmm
The scariest cakes I ever heard of are sacrificial cakes used in Tibetan Buddhist ceremonies as offerings to deities. The unbaked cakes are prepared by kneading parched barley flour and butter into the shapes of cones, decorated with pats of butter. For presentation to the wrathful Tantric deities, the gtor-ma are realistically coloured and modelled to resemble parts of the human body. How'd you like a giant foot cake to land on your car? Hope you sleep well tonight :-)
susan- I don't think jimm would like a foot cake, he seems to be more of a breast man. :-)
Oh.... Jimmmm you make posts too often.... We have no time to follow!
I see that there is the very powerful wind to you!
Hello Sister Mary Ellen!
Kiss for you !
Hello Susan !
Kiss also !
Not for Jimmm... Just a bear... No... Beer for you...
Mary Ellen, you ever don't drink alcohol? just water, honey and Fra Angelico?
Pffffffff ....... this is worth nothing!
Strange people!
Poor people....
G.W. Bush for president......
Ronald Reagan.......
MOUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA !!!!!!!
Soon a trader of potatoes! Mc Kain!!!!!
MOOOUUUUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!
Jimmmm ! You did not have to treat me as communist....
Hello dad!
Actually, I've never had that drink before, I just found it on the Internet. I usually only drink wine and I'll have an occasional beer. I've never been a fan of mixed drinks...well, except for an icy cold margarita when I'm eating Mexican food.
It's so good to see you around!
Here's a kiss right back at ya! Mmmmwaaa! Did ya get it?
bonjour, mon ami... Je suis heureux que vous visitiez. Avez-vous apport� le fromage ? Mon esprit devient faible pour le manque de fromage fran�ais! J'ai essay� de traduire "MOUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA"
Il semble que le Fran�ais parle le fran�ais pauvrement comme je le parle!
Bisquits &stuff to you as well!
Good morning ME! Bonjour Dad! oops, have I forgotten someone? Oh yes, hey jimm!
hmm.. giant breast made with parched barley flour and rancid butter falling out of sky. Quell experience effrayante! Sounds like what we'd wish on the commander in chief and his wicked minions.
This blog is offensive.
You promised pictures of muffins, not MUFFINS.
Ya, susan....I betcha it is rancid YAK butter, too!
Gees, Randal, get your own muffins.....I think there is a new Muffins-R-US over on Hwy 76.
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