Oh, gees. I had another nightmare last night. Big Time. I bolted awake, 3am.....a sheen of clamy sweat on my brow....my heart racing like a mongrel after a bitch in heat....my toenails curled...my tongue thick and clotted like left-over spaghetti....
....when you're a Jet
You're a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dying day...
I had dreamt I was trapped in a broadway musical! And not just one! it was a whole BLENDER full of them! A whole fucking WHIRLPOOL of sappy songs!
Try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you...
I got a drink of water to clear my head. This was some bad news. I hadn't had that kind of vivid dream since....of gees, lemme think, Sunday night? And Every woman I had ever dated was in the dream...singing ... wowsers!
I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight....
Knowing a secret
Climbing a tree....
Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger
You may see a stranger
Across a crowded room....
I think my Fear of Musicals started when I was dating Nancy-with- the- Long Legs. She loved musicals. I was eventually forced to break up with her. Life had become a series of balcony seats. Yuppers, my sweetie on my right and some old over dressed, drenched in cheap perfume fat lady on my left who is gonna sing along to all the songs that I don't even want to hear the PROFESSIONALS sing, much less her!
The good part is that musicals always made Nancy horny.... the bad part was every time she had an orgasm...she would sing...
Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain
And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the rain....
Pfffffffft....trying listening to THAT six or seven times a night!!!
But the dream had all the women I had known! Cathy and Susan and Maureen and Kate and Nicole and Cheryl (who can't sing) and Sharon and Jan..... and they were all singing and giving me a hard time for not buying tickets for good seats and not taking them out for a good dinner....sheeeesh
Now I have nothing against musicals anymore than I have a personal vendetta against artichokes..... or pickled pigs feet.....but C'mon...
And when I kiss you, just say to me
"It's delightful, it's delicious
It's delectable, it's delirious
It's dilemma, it's delimit, it's deluxe
Or maybe I should just quit smoking that high octane Columbian shit and quit munchin' on sardine and bacon sandwichs before bedtime.....
...and certainly not ever eat Tibetan Budhist cakes made with parched barley flour and rancid butter
Life, it is a bitch, man
Ya Ba Dabba Dabba Do.......