Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Fear of Musicals

Oh, gees. I had another nightmare last night. Big Time. I bolted awake, 3am.....a sheen of clamy sweat on my brow....my heart racing like a mongrel after a bitch in heat....my toenails curled...my tongue thick and clotted like left-over spaghetti....
....when you're a Jet
You're a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dying day...

I had dreamt I was trapped in a broadway musical! And not just one! it was a whole BLENDER full of them! A whole fucking WHIRLPOOL of sappy songs!

...Try not to get worried
Try not to turn on to
Problems that upset you...

I got a drink of water to clear my head. This was some bad news. I hadn't had that kind of vivid dream since....of gees, lemme think, Sunday night? And Every woman I had ever dated was in the dream...singing ... wowsers!

I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight....

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream
Knowing a secret
Climbing a tree....

Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger
You may see a stranger
Across a crowded room....

I think my Fear of Musicals started when I was dating Nancy-with- the- Long Legs. She loved musicals. I was eventually forced to break up with her. Life had become a series of balcony seats. Yuppers, my sweetie on my right and some old over dressed, drenched in cheap perfume fat lady on my left who is gonna sing along to all the songs that I don't even want to hear the PROFESSIONALS sing, much less her!
The good part is that musicals always made Nancy horny.... the bad part was every time she had an orgasm...she would sing...
Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain
And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet
When the wind comes right behind the rain....

Pfffffffft....trying listening to THAT six or seven times a night!!!

But the dream had all the women I had known! Cathy and Susan and Maureen and Kate and Nicole and Cheryl (who can't sing) and Sharon and Jan..... and they were all singing and giving me a hard time for not buying tickets for good seats and not taking them out for a good dinner....sheeeesh
Now I have nothing against musicals anymore than I have a personal vendetta against artichokes..... or pickled pigs feet.....but C'mon...

enough is enough..... Maybe there is a Musical Therapy Group....or Musical Anon...

And when I kiss you, just say to me
"It's delightful, it's delicious
It's delectable, it's delirious
It's dilemma, it's delimit, it's deluxe
It's de-lovely

Or maybe I should just quit smoking that high octane Columbian shit and quit munchin' on sardine and bacon sandwichs before bedtime.....
...and certainly not ever eat Tibetan Budhist cakes made with parched barley flour and rancid butter

Life, it is a bitch, man
Ya Ba Dabba Dabba Do.......


Anonymous said...

Love this.

Mary Ellen said...

What? No Music Man????

You've got trouble, okjimm, with a Capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for pool! You've got trouble!

And all week long your River City
Youth'll be frittern away,
I say your young men'll be frittern!
Frittern away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!
Get the ball in the pocket,
Never mind gittin' Dandelions pulled
Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded.
Never mind pumpin' any water
'Til your parents are caught with the Cistern empty
On a Saturday night and that's trouble,
Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' trouble.
I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers,
Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' in the pool
Hall window after school, look, folks!
Right here in River City.
Trouble with a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool!
Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda parents.
I'm gonna be perfectly frank.
Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes
On while they're loafin' around that Hall?
They're tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out cubebs,
Tryin' out Tailor Mades like Cigarette Feends!
And braggin' all about
How they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen.
One fine night, they leave the pool hall,
Headin' for the dance at the Arm'ry!
Libertine men and Scarlet women!
And Rag-time, shameless music
That'll grab your son and your daughter
With the arms of a jungle animal instink!
Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground!

Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here in River City!
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "P"
And that stands for Pool,
That stands for pool.
We've surely got trouble!
Right here in River City,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the young ones moral after school!
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...

Heh heh heh....

Blank said...

six or seven times a night....


I have to admit there are three musicals I do like: Evita, Funny Girl, and Grease. Sorry.

Life As I Know It Now said...

yeah, I'd chalk that up to the munchies right before sleep. plus, maybe you were hosting a recap of your life as a dream of musicals and women.

okjimm said...

Gees....ME....if I had a nickel for every Music Man I had to view (stage shows, college, high school *&* the goddam movie) I coulda bought a six pack!

Lisa...glad you liked it. A forty minute moring commute has gotta be worth some inspiration (not much)

SWB....ok...busted! truth is....after four or five she would just roll over and snore.

Liberality....Ya, for awhile I thought there was some deep hidden meaning.....but nah....just a bad diet.

Anijo said...

The next time that you dream of musicals, try out a little Gilbert and sullivan perhaps?

CHORUS. — He thought so little, they rewarded he
By making him the Ruler of the Queen's Navee!

Sir Joseph. Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule —
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea,
And you all may be rulers of the Queen's Navee!

CHORUS. — Stick close close to your desks and never go to sea,
And you all may be rulers of the Queen's Navee!

HMS Pinafore - When I was a Lad

okjimm said...

Pinafore...yuppers....I hated that one, too. Lately...all my musicals are the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' Let's do the time warp AGAIN.... bisquits.

susan said...

Okay, we all have our weaknesses, even me - a little.. and here it is: Cabaret!

and only a little rancid yak butter.

Randal Graves said...

Musicals? Dude, you just scared the living hell out of me.

okjimm said...

Susan, ya, Cabaret was cool...Nazis, sex, booze...broken hearts.....sleeze...I can't remember who I was dating then....

Bye-Bye, Mein Lieber Herr.
Farewell, mein Lieber Herr.
It was a fine affair,
But now it's over.
And though I used to care,
I need the open air.
You're better off without me,
Mein Herr.

Randal.....YOU scare the HELL outa me!! You're a damn fine exorcist, too.

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