IT'S LATER THAN I THINK!!!!!!!!

Ok... I hate shopping.... all kinds... and the Festivus, HannaKanah, Chrismataz.... really pains me. Which is kind of ironic.... because I am a generous person and I do like giving things away. Especially things that I find in my apartment that I really don't want anymore. And I do like people. Most people. Some of the time. &some people, most of the time.

So... in the spirit of the season where normally rational people go out and cut down a perfectly good tree... stick it in their living room..(ya, like they think it's gonna grow there, huh!) and then throw it away later... I have arranged gifts for all my bloggin buddies, readers and Lurkers!

This is how it works..... I divided everyone into two groups.... A & B.... ok, with me so far?

Everyone in group A gets..............

Eggnog Soap
The MAN tried to keep eggnog down. He tried to pigeonhole it as a "holiday beverage." But eggnog could not be contained! It has cast aside those artificial limitations and emerged as an aromatic cleaning agent for both hands and body. Keep a bar in your bathroom year-round for those times when you could use a little holly jolly good cheer. Each bar has the words "Eggnog Soap" embossed on top and comes in a fancy 3-3/4" x 2-3/8" x 7/8" tin.

Every one in Group B gets...........Inflatable Fruitcake
It's festive, it's traditional and it's inedible - just like the real thing. Each vinyl fruitcake comes deflated with a 9-1/2" x 5-1/2" envelope and a decorative sticker, making it easy to send one to all of your friends and family! When inflated, this icon of old-fashioned baked goods is 8-1/2" x 5" x 4-1/2" and makes a great centerpiece for the holiday dinner table. and everyone else gets....
Box Full of Hope Gift Box
We provide the box, you provide the hope! This 5" x 5" x 5" gift box is decorated with inspirational text and images presenting hope as a material commodity. It's the perfect gift! After all, who doesn't need a little hope now and again? As an extra bonus, "One out of every 1,000 boxes contains the key to Happiness!" Great for optimists and cynics alike. If you want to be really depressing, give it to someone empty!OK. Happy Happy!...to collect your gift go to

www.mcphee.com

... and send them a check.

AMERICA'S BIGGEST HOOKER!

Nah, that's General Joe Hooker. He was a bad lay in 1863 and I'm guessing he hasn't gotten better with age.

Not that Hooker.

Nope, not that Hooker either. Johnny Lee is all right by me.

And not those Hookers; at least they are honest about what they are doing.

Ok, Yessirree Boy.... I am talking about

America's biggest whore.....

America's most diseased piece of faux sensuality and verbal promiscuity......

Sarah Palin!

So.... here's the deal.... I get another spam letter from the Snow Queen

Dear Friend, As the Going Rogue book tour ends.....................................................................................................If you are able to contribute I will use the SarahPAC donations you place in my trust to support candidates who share our core values, and I’ll work on issues that can put America back on the right path. With your help, we can bring real change to America!

From my family to yours, we wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.

God Bless the USA!

Sarah Palin

Ya, the donations you place in my trust! To support.... yadda yadda.... I have never seen such blatant display of gimmee, gimmee, gimmee since Tammy Faye and Jim Baker shilled the PTL on tv.

Yuppers.... old Sarah is out on the street looking for a stray $20. I swear, she would give the Dick Cheney a blow job if she thought there was a pay-ola involved.

Wowsers! I gotzta get my email checked for VD.

Ok. It was a long weekend of shoveling snow, walking through slush and complaining about snow and slush. So I really have nothing of any import to say. (Like I ever do?) But I do have a joke. One that encompasses my three favorite subjects..... Tourists, Illinois, Dumb Questions & Blondes. (Ok, I am not employed in the Math field.)

A notable thing about where I live is the abundance of names of cities, towns, lakes and rivers that are derived from Native American dialects and languages. It usually can make for some very interesting pronunciations. Here's a story



Two tourists from Illinois were driving through Wisconsin. As they approached Weyauwega , they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, 'Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are . . . very slowly?'
The blond counter girl leaned over the counter and slowly said, 'Burrrr-gerrrr-Kiiiing.'

Wowsers.... it is snowing, snowing&stuff.....Boy&Howdy! So before I trundle my weary soul down Highway 41... I will leave you with one of my favorite Norwegian jokes. For those a bit unfamiliar with Norwegian jokes..... they are just a gentle wink to our Western Border friends who did not have enough sense to move to Iowa.

Ole and Lena was at the kitchen table for the usual morning cup of coffee and listening to a weather report coming from the radio. "There will be 4 to 6 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. All vehicles should be parked on the odd-numbered side of the streets today to facilitate snowplows," the radio voice declared. "Oh, gosh, OK," said Ole, getting up, bundling up and heading outside to dutifully put his car on the odd-numbered side of the street.

Two days later, Ole and Lena were at morning coffee when the radio voice said: "There will be 8 to 10 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your vehicles on the even-numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee as before. He bundled up, shuffled off, and put his car on the even-numbered side of the street.

A few days later, the couple was at the table when the radio voice declared: "There will be 24 to 32 inches of snow today, one of the worst blizzards in Minnesota history, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the ..." Just then, the power went out. "Park it where?" Ole asked in the dark, "What should I do?" "Aw, to heck with them, Ole," Lena said, "Don't worry about it today. Just leave the car in the garage."

he-he

Pearl Harbor Day..... 2009

Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Gone to graveyards every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

"I'm in love ... she's all cooked up!"

I really like the youth of America. They are clever, imaginative and innovative. Also..... most of them are young.

... and if they are really really bored..... and they have access to video equipment.... all sorts of stuff happens.

The most interesting one that has come to my attention, in my part of the woods, is the filming of a, ah, rather strange movie..... Ed Gein: The Musical.

Ed was a serial killer/grave robber/necrophiliac/cannibal who was apprehended in Plainfield, WI in 1957 with a woman's body strung up like a dressed deer in his shed. He was the inspiration for Norman Bates in Pyscho, Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs and Leatherface in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

A local bunch turned this into a musical. A trailer clip is available at http://www.viddler.com/explore/videotrends/videos/43/ . The premiere is Jan 7. I can't wait. A local new story relates that they filmed the whole thing for $9,000; most of which was spent on pizza and beer.

I Like Russ

I get some wonderful junk in my email. And then I get notes from my Senator, Russ Feingold. The Dude cuts right to the chase. I wish the Senate was full of more guys like Russ.......

Jim,

I wanted to take a moment to share my thoughts on President Obama's plan for Afghanistan with you. I do not support the president’s decision to send additional troops to fight a war in Afghanistan that is no longer in our national security interest. It’s an expensive gamble to undertake armed nation-building on behalf of a corrupt government of questionable legitimacy. Sending more troops could further destabilize Afghanistan and, more importantly, Pakistan, a nuclear-armed state where al Qaeda is headquartered. While I appreciate that the president made clear we won’t be in Afghanistan forever, I am disappointed by his decision not to offer a timetable for ending our military presence there. I will work with members of both parties and both houses of Congress to push for a flexible timetable to reduce our troop levels in Afghanistan, as part of a comprehensive strategy to combat al Qaeda in the region and around the world.I will continue to speak out in favor of a flexible timetable for withdrawal, and I’m counting on you to help spread the word. If you haven't already done so, please take a moment and sign my petition supporting a flexible timetable for withdrawal. I’ll keep you updated on the next steps, and what you can do to make sure our message is heard.

Sincerely,
Russ Feingold

United States Senator