I am a pretty agnostic type guy and follow no religion, but really have no problems with most folks who truly practice their religion rather than wear it like a smug badge of Uppitty-ism. Fortunatly I know more of the former and few of the later.

Anyways..... I was cleaning out some old emails and files& stuff and came across this. It's old, but I still think it is amusing. It also makes me smile when the off-the-wall types like the Westboro Baptist Church or Pat Robertson get me down.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN JESUS "When Christian students at Texas A&M University donned pro-abstinenceT-shirts titled 'Top Ten Reasons Why Jesus is Better than Beer,'Steve Berry of Texas A&M's Agnostic and Atheist
Student Group knewhow to respond:

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give them away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured
over their brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait more than two thousand years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you

I think I will go pray tonight. :)

What About Peter?

Ok. That time of the year. Just a bunch of emails and we all get together. This time, up North at John's cottage. We drink. Cook good food. Talk stupid, laugh alot. Smoke cigars around the campfire. Drink. Look at hot young girls along the river. Drink. & generally act like we did thirty years ago. Except thirty years ago we would get thrown out of bars.

Are you ready to play this weekend? YES YES Yes

While I don’t have a lot of plans (and would like your input on options), here’s the scoop:

Friday: fish fry at local restaurant (good fish-all you can eat with fabulous hash browns for $7.95 Can everyone arrive before 5:00pm? I can, do they have a senior discount we're trying to catch? Is 5PM cocktail time? Yes….beverages will be flowing the minute we get there…if not earlier. Thought it would be fun to have a few before we leave for dinner.

Saturday: breakfast Tim responsible (it better be good) Regular or Honey Nut?
Lunch John responsible
Dinner: Rosey….Tim mentioned that you had this famous chicken dinner. Do you want to do it??? I'll do it.......will I have to buy the fixin's? No, I think you can get one of the breakfast boys to help out (or if Tom or Hacker come, they can do it)

Things to do options: boating, fishing, rafting the wolf or golf. Email everyone if you want to play golf so we can bring our clubs I can do all or any. Grill had a good question on how high is the water. How bout a good answer? Who is the outfitter? My neighbor went last week and had a good time, I'll ask more questions My clubs are 50 years old and I'm afraid to diminish their collector value by using them, plus I'm still too young for golf. How about rafting? Ray mentioned he was concerned about rafting since he had an issue with a bump on his leg (he is on Coumadin)

Sunday breakfast: Ray Does he get to bring a bad one? Beer is OK, but not Bud, OK? And donuts

Snacks: Grill (but everyone should bring something to munch on)

All: bring the beverage (or two) of your choice. I'll bring a growler of Rush River Double Bubble.

Remember to bring your swimming suit, sleeping bag and pillow

Any other ideas???? Can you schedule the 'bikini girls' for 4pm Saturday, John? Already done….guaranteed to be even hotter this year…. I'm bringing the Kayaks again. I'll bring as mixed drink cooler if we go on the raft trip, no cans or bottles.

See you all soon. Hey! What about Peter?

Fuck You Sarah Palin

So I get this pop-up add while I was on Yahoo....

Sarah Palin. SarahPac. Not authorized by any candidate or Candidates committee.

Boy, what a deal! "GIVE ME MONEY"

Shit I should have thought of that years ago!!

JimmPac. I need beer. "GIVE ME MONEY"

Ok. The bitch quit. So why won't she just go away?

Out of curiosty I went to her official web page,

http://gov.state.ak.us/

and I gotz to the opening line "Hi Alaska, I appreciate speaking directly to you, the people I serve, as your Governor." 'Hi Alaska' ????? Damn, I can be witty like that, too! "Good Day, Wisconsin." See, it's really easy. Anyone can be witty like that! "Hello Ohio!" or
"How ya doing, Indiana" or maybe "What's up, Wyoming."

And there was her long rambling I quit thingee. I would call it a speech, but coherent speaking is not a Sarah strong suit.

"Absolutely not. I think that, if I were to give up and wave a white flag of surrender against some of the political shots that we've taken, that ... that would ... bring this whole ... I'm not doing this for naught."

--Sarah Palin, asked about her plans for 2012 and whether she would disappear from the national political scene if she loses, ABC News interview, Oct. 29, 2008.

So she quits, and then starts begging for money on the net. "Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's commitee". Now what the fuck is up with that??

I think Sarah has her own brand of 'Don't Ask-Don't Tell'. She don't want no questions, cause she's a got no answers.

"I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also."--Sarah Palin, on not answering the questions in the vice presidential debate, St. Louis, Missouri, Oct. 2, 2008

I still think it is really ballsy asking for money. But it could be worse. I mean, Billy Mays is dead and she is looking for new employment and we could have been subjected to a ton of infomercials from the PalinPrincess.

I really like the way she quoted MacArthur, too.

“We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction.”

But back to her speechifying on her web page when she waxs eloquent on her achievements in office; "We cleaned up previously accepted unethical actions.." Boy &Howdy.... she sure knows what those are, huh! Here's another MacArthur quote for the Barracuda Bitch,

“You are remembered for the rules you break.”

I like this Palin-ese too.

"We took government out of the dairy business and put it back into the private-sector- where it should be."Absolutely. Government belongs in the private sector, not with a bunch of fucking cows. Cows make up really silly laws and make really really big messes in convention halls.

The bottom line is that Sarah Palin is an idiot. A loser. A no talent, no brain, bimbo. An opportunist. Possibly an unethical moron.

She is no leader. Sheesh, she could not lead a sober Pollock to free beer.

And no matter what she say's SHE IS A QUITTER.

Here's a couple of MacArthur quotes for her.

“Americans never quit.”

“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.”

I hope she remembers the last one. Just in case she quits being a quitter and tries to get a new career as a tattoo model.

After all.......................................

"I'm like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I'm like, don't let me miss the open door. Show me where the open door is."

--Sarah Palin, on running for national office in the future, FOX News interview, Nov. 10, 2008

The Bottom line? Fuck you, Sarah.

Please go away soon.

In other news, Michael Jackson is still Dead.

Rip-Off Monday

I ripped this off from http://monkeymucker.blogspot.com/

Since Sarah Palin and her little hubby are threatening to sue anyone in the media and bloggers who report that they may be under investigation by the Feds for corruption in Alaska, I am proud to report that Sarah and Toad Palin may very well be under investigation by the Feds for corruption in in Alaska.

me too.

I ripped this off from http://zaiusnation.blogspot.com/

Rush Limbaugh recently said this about the death of Michael Jackson: "He flourished under Reagan, languished under Clinton/Bush, and died under Obama." President Obama killed Michael Jackson!

I knew that, duh!

I ripped this off from http://deansoffice.blogspot.com/

Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?

I heard it before, but it bears repeating.....

Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?

I ripped this off from http://lisahgolden.blogspot.com/

My Pussy is in Mourning

....well move it back to Georgia where it belongs!

And then I ripped this off from my buddy, Fritz, in CO. I'm sure he ripped it off from somewhere else and, as that didn't stop him, why should it stop me?

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go?
Wonder no more. It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the familyand social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:"Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow." Then, they kick him in the ice hole.

Glory Glory Glory

Every Fourth of July I think back to some friends I used to know that are no longer around. I don't spend a lotta time thinking about it..... but I think of them.

I knew a girl who was almost a lady

She had a way with all the men in her life

Every inch of her blossomed in beauty

And she was born on the fourth of July

Well she lived in an aluminum house trailer

And she worked in a juke box saloon

And she spent all the money I give her

Just to see the old man in the moon

I used to sleep at the foot of Old Glory

And awake in the dawn's early light

But much to my surprise

When I opened my eyes

I was a victim of the great compromise

john prine

Yup.. there are ghosts and ghosts...

then there are ghosts I still drink a beer with.

But that ain't no never mind today. I leave the office at noon and tonight head to the river to listen to a band I have wanted to see for some time.... Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons.

Everyone who has seen them says they do a real kick ass show. Plus I have free tickets... two actually.. so I have a spare, seeing as I have been stood up on the second... can anyone make beautiful DownTown Wisconsin by 7 tonight?

Anyways.... I said I would post some Holiday Cheesecake for Randal........

Oooooops..... wrong cheesecake.

That one's a little stale. Never mind.

Try this one.....Happy Holiday.

OH CANADA !!!! EH !!!

IT'S CANADA DAY!

Which is as good a reason to celebrate a Wednesday as any I have found.

Actually, eh, I have great respect for Canada. For one, it is a large region that separates me from Sarah Palin. For two, it gives Chicago people another place to fish with out coming to Wisconsin.

For three, my great sister-law, Linda, is a Canadian. In just ten short years she has convinced my brother that he, too, is a Canadian. Which is a great improvement from his previous belief that he was really a Minnesotan.

For four, I know some really terrific folks who are Canadians. Most of them live in the States.

For five, .... C,mon ... there is no five in Canadian-ese. Five would require that they take their boots off to count.

OK.

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?""Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave."Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."

It was mealtime during a flight on Air Canada."Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front."What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.



Well, ya dere, eh!

Canada apologises to the US
A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.
I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with


OKee Doke!


Up in heaven God was talking to an angel about this beautiful country he was creating. He described this place to the angel."It will have lakes, tall mountains, as well as big trees covering the land. The air will be crisp and fresh , the water will always be clean, and the people will be the most friendly you will ever meet."
"I will call it Canada and the people living inside; Canadians.""But God." the angel questioned, "don't you think you are being too nice to these Canadians?""Nope!" replied God, "Just wait 'till you see their neighbors!"


All right. Let's all go out and celebrate Canada Day. They are our neighbors, they drink beer, they like doughnuts........ and they sure know how to do creative things with there flag....

Love da North, eh!!

The difference between a New Yorker seeing his CAR being vandalized & a Canadian seeing HIS car being vandalized is:
The New Yorker will yell "EH!!!! Wot you think yur DOING??"
The Canadian will yell "Wot you think yur doing EH!!???"

I've Decided....

.... that if I am going to have a second childhood.....

It will be like this!