If life is a Bowl of Cherries....

How come I only get one...and it's got a big pit. Hmmmm, what's up with that?

Life is a bed of roses? Pffft....thorns and all!

Piece of Cake?? Nah, Mary Ellen is hawking that Pope stuff all over the blogs..... no cake for me!

Earn my bread and butter?... just more cholesterol

Cry over spilled milk?....lactose problems.

Pie in the sky? No thanks...gotta enough issues with seagull shit in the hair, thank-you-very-much.

Red herring? No, I'm a Democrat.

I think I can live on a diet of coffee and beer. No hidden meanings to think about.

well.....I'm not smart

but distributor cap NY is. Articulate. Informed. Documented. Kind. Insightful. &stuff. I know alotta folks already know where he is, and what he is about.....(falling down and being picked up by celebrities) but if anyone checking these pages hasn't checked his......do yourself a favor. Jonestown races....five miles long, do-dah.....do-dah...... good stuff....&more!!!!

Fear of Musicals

Oh, gees. I had another nightmare last night. Big Time. I bolted awake, 3am.....a sheen of clamy sweat on my brow....my heart racing like a mongrel after a bitch in heat....my toenails curled...my tongue thick and clotted like left-over spaghetti....

....when you're a Jet

You're a Jet all the way

From your first cigarette

To your last dying day...

I had dreamt I was trapped in a broadway musical! And not just one! it was a whole BLENDER full of them! A whole fucking WHIRLPOOL of sappy songs!

...Try not to get worried

Try not to turn on to

Problems that upset you...

I got a drink of water to clear my head. This was some bad news. I hadn't had that kind of vivid dream since....of gees, lemme think, Sunday night? And Every woman I had ever dated was in the dream...singing ... wowsers!

I feel pretty,

Oh, so pretty

I feel pretty and witty and bright

And I pity

Any girl who isn't me tonight....

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream

Knowing a secret

Climbing a tree....

Some enchanted evening

You may see a stranger

You may see a stranger

Across a crowded room....

I think my Fear of Musicals started when I was dating Nancy-with- the- Long Legs. She loved musicals. I was eventually forced to break up with her. Life had become a series of balcony seats. Yuppers, my sweetie on my right and some old over dressed, drenched in cheap perfume fat lady on my left who is gonna sing along to all the songs that I don't even want to hear the PROFESSIONALS sing, much less her!

The good part is that musicals always made Nancy horny.... the bad part was every time she had an orgasm...she would sing...

Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain

And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet

When the wind comes right behind the rain....

Pfffffffft....trying listening to THAT six or seven times a night!!!

But the dream had all the women I had known! Cathy and Susan and Maureen and Kate and Nicole and Cheryl (who can't sing) and Sharon and Jan..... and they were all singing and giving me a hard time for not buying tickets for good seats and not taking them out for a good dinner....sheeeesh

Now I have nothing against musicals anymore than I have a personal vendetta against artichokes..... or pickled pigs feet.....but C'mon...

enough is enough..... Maybe there is a Musical Therapy Group....or Musical Anon...

And when I kiss you, just say to me

"It's delightful, it's delicious

It's delectable, it's delirious

It's dilemma, it's delimit, it's deluxe

It's de-lovely

Or maybe I should just quit smoking that high octane Columbian shit and quit munchin' on sardine and bacon sandwichs before bedtime.....

...and certainly not ever eat Tibetan Budhist cakes made with parched barley flour and rancid butter

Life, it is a bitch, man

Ya Ba Dabba Dabba Do.......

Beware of Falling Muffins

It was written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice.
--Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

Ok. I gotta confess. I have a fear of being crushed to death by baked goods. I think it started when my brother hit me in the eyes with one of my Grandmother's cookies. Almost blinded me.

Then I thought my mother was trying to poison me with Rhubarb pie. I hated Rhubarb. It was a slow but steady progression.... I could not stand baked goods. Brownies, cake, doughnuts....oh the wicked misery, the pain, the angst....the icing!

Therapy did help and, for the most part, I'm OK now. But I still have alot of anxiety about muffins..... Ya never know when one might fall on you. I look for them. Hey, the Keebler elves live in trees, ya know... and they are evil little shits. Best to be careful, huh?

Bubba

http://www.uwosh.edu/wrst/

Bubba is just getting back from Milwalkeeeee....and said he would do radio slot tonight at 8cdt.....the kid breaks me up....

check streaming audio on link if you are really bored/

Goals Accomplished

Ten miles out....ten miles in. Three out of four. I'm feeling this great sense of accomplishment. It is good for a man to have a goal. Gees, what was number four?

Sunday Goals

1 coffee

2 cheese scone with scrambed eggs and OJ

3 shower

4 shave

5 finish laundry

6 clean bathroom

7 withdraw troops from Iraq

8 write Nobel Prize worthy dissertation on viability of nose goobers as source of alternative energy

9 make wild passionate love with a gorgeous intellectual woman who claims she is drawn to me by the steel cool passionate soulfullness of my eyes and the kindness of my smile

10 take a bike ride

......but goals shold be realistic

1 coffee

2 English muffin with peanut butter

3 shower

4 shave

5 finish laundry

6 send birthday card to my mother

7 bike ride

.....goals should be REAL

1 coffee

2 shower

3 shave

4 bike ride

.......AND SINCERE

1 coffee

2 bike ride

3 shower

.

.

.

.

4 beer.