Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wowsers Weekend World Weport
Senator Barack Obama addresses crowd of over 200,000 in Berlin, Germany where he supports closer ties between the US and Europe for a comprehensive global commitment to World peace and progress. His speech brings cheers and massive amounts of American Flag Waving & Stuff.
Meanwhile Republican candidate John McCain meets with local business folks and shop keepers in Columbus, OH where he urges closer relationships between the USA and the Big Ten. " I would love to give a speech in Germany," he is quoted as saying at Schmidt's Sausage Haus and Restaurant, "but I would prefer to do it as President of the United States than as a candidate for President."
John & Alice Silvertein in the next booth from Senator McCain took this to mean that McCain may soon begin to campaign for President. "I think John would make a good President, " Mr. Silverstein said. "I believe in the choices he makes. For instance, he recommended I get the Bratwurst and Kraut rather than the Italian Sausage, and by golly, he was right! Very Tasty!"
Later that day at an IHOP in Canton, OH, Senator McCain said that he would also urge closer ties to Belgian Waffles, but would prefer "Green Eggs and Ham if my name were Sam. But I really like Belgian Waffles and I think Belgian Waffles should finally be admitted to the United Nations", he said while passing gas.
In other Camplain news the Media is saying that Senator Obama has been declared, "A Media Darling" and that they are damn sick of it.
Deborah Media of 1812 Overture Ave, Minnetonka MN recently told the St. Paul Pioneer Press that "Obama speaks well, has an excellent voice and keeps going around saying things that sound intelligent and somehow make more sense that what McCain doesn't say. I guess I feel forced into declaring him a 'Darling' even though he has those big ears."
Echoing those sentiments, Albert Media of 1910 Fruit Gum Company Blvd in Clinton,IA in an interview with the Des Moines Register said, "I didn't want to declare him a 'Darling' either, or anything, ya know, but shit&stuff, what choice did I have? McCain is such a boring fuck, and all, and nowhere near to 'Darling-like. I really have reservations about Obama.... I mean Obama spelled backwards is Amabo and that sounds awfully close to a Sly Stallone sequel movie which could very well spell disaster for the US at the box office this fall."
Spokesperson for the Shit From Shinola campaign of fifth party candidate Diva Jood meanwhile addressed a throng of two reporters from the Monroe County Democrat in Sparta, WI. "Our candidate has nothing to say at this time," campaign manager Randal Graves said. "She is too busy conferring with the future Secretary of Strawberries, who by the way is a real darling. And there is a scheduled nap time after that."
When pressured Graves said, " I don't give a rat's ass about the 'Darling' controversy. Fuck the Media, Anyways! If I want to read about Darlings, I will re-read 'Peter Pan'! Now get the fuck out of my way," Graves casually added, " I have nothing to do today and I must get it done immediately!"