Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Billy Lang Breaks me up!

No one breaks me up like Billy Lang. Schultzie says it should be pronounced 'Bill-a-Lang', but it hardly matters. Breaks me up every time I see him. I do believe he has had his smile surgically implanted....and then he killed the surgeon so no one else could have it done. No one has a grin like Billy. I think his perpetual good humor may be a drug induced side effect from the 70's, a living testament to the benefits of heavy drug use.

We plotted once to put some buckets of horse shit under his Christmas Tree, but then someone pointed out that Billy would just think that the pony got away and would spend too much time looking for it. And that he would immediately calculate how many board feet he would need to make the corral and how much it would cost, all nails and hardware included. How much room and board for the pony would be, how much he could charge giving pony rides, and how much he could sell it for as dog food once it got old. It would all be estimated to the penny..... and worse, he would spend weeks telling us about it.

Last year he stumbled across some info that 'Wild' Wisconsin ginseng fetched more that $300 per lb on the Chinese market. The next time I saw him he had already purchased a harvesting license, found brokers for ginseng, and had a grid map of where the best places to find ginseng in Wisconsin were. The plan never reached fruittion, but it was fun hearing him talk about it. And even more of a relief when he gave up talking about it.

This year it is aerial photography. The cost of aviation fuel went sky-high (damn, I love a pun) and Billy had to figure out a way to keep his plane in the air without putting undue strain on his rum&coke budget. This time he may have something.

I told him I would demand a pint for every photo he sold with this reference, and a shot of tequila for any order over $200. He thinks I am asking too much. I get tequila only on orders over $350. Cheap bastard. Tell 'em jimm sent you.


susan said...

Ahh, welcome to Blogtopia at long last. I've been enjoying the wit (and occasional wisdom)of your comments at JT, IW and LM the past couple of months. Glad you've taken the plunge.

okjimm said...

Aw, thanks, Susan! Whadda nice thing to say! and ya, you are wisdom is only occasional (and very random) :)

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