Maybe he should wash his car

Jim Stevens stands next to his truck that has an image of Jesus on the window Monday, Nov. 2, 2009 i Jonesborough, Tenn. The image has been there for two weeks and appears every morning when the morning dew is on the window. Stevens says he's not particularly religious and is clueless about why an image resembling Jesus Christ keeps appearing on his pickup.(AP Photo/Johnson City Press, Lee Talbert)

per Yahoo

AND

... in other news!!!! Really smart folks on the loose!!

APPLETON — The suspect in a drive-by shooting failed to open his own car window before he shot, with the broken window ultimately leading to his arrest.
Andrew J. Burwitz, Appleton, was charged Wednesday in Outagamie County Court with four counts of first- degree reckless endangerment, four counts of endangering safety by reckless use of a firearm, disorderly conduct and criminal damage to property and placed on a $25,000 cash bond.
Burwitz is suspected of shooting at his ex-girlfriend's house in the Town of Buchanan. According to court documents, the occupants of the house in the Town of Buchanan were awakened about 2 a.m. Monday to the sounds of breaking glass.
They saw a car driving off and found two bullets had struck the exterior of the house and three had entered the living room.
None of the four people in the house was injured. The ex-girlfriend was attending school out of state.
Sheriff's deputies examining the area found broken auto glass in the street, and, later that day, contacted area auto glass repair shops and found Burwitz had his car window replaced after filing an insurance claim.
Burwitz was taken into custody and admitted to shooting at the house. A search of his residence and car turned up a 9 mm handgun and spent shell casings.
Burwitz said he had been drinking heavily before the shootings.

We don't need gun control...... we need stupid control!

A Pink Bicycle

I remember the phone call from her mother.

"I can't do anything with her! All I want to do is get her to TRY riding her bike without the training wheels and she just gets hysterical when I try to even talk with her about it!!"

We had been separated for about a year. In that first year the kids stayed with me about 95% of the time while their mother finished her Master's Degree. Their days with their mother were usually some adventure to make up for missing time or a new 'advancement' that was necessary and must be accomplished immediately.

"You really need to come over here. You can talk with her. She listens to you."

Well, I really didn't think whether or not training wheels absolutely needed to be removed on any given day is a crucial factor in the life of a five year old but I was certain that Miriam and her mother had gone on about this for some time (I could hear sobbing in the background) and that both of them were at meltdown stage. I said I would be over and see what I could do.

Well the first thing was to take my daughter into the bathroom and wash her tear stained face.

"You and Mom have been arguing, huh?"

She nodded.

"You know," I said, "those training wheels do have to come off... sometime."

"But not today!!"

"Oh?"

"There is NO REASON they have to come off TODAY!!"

"Oh?"

"NO!!! It was a perfectly fine day! Why today!" Her voice was coming back up and the eyes were starting to water-up again. Why today, indeed. Logical kid.

"Ok. Tell you what. We'll take one of them off, I'll hold on to you and you just try it with one. That should make her happy for today... then I'll put it back on and we'll all go back to a perfectly fine day." Well, Miriam saw right away that losing only one wheel was better than losing both and the 'put it back on' option was in the works.

"OK, Dad," she finally said. "But only in the driveway!"

So I took the left one off and she made it down the driving leaning heavily to her right. Now that I think about it, it was probably the only time she ever leaned to the right. But leaning to far in any direction is just an invitation to fall, so the next few times down the drive I held the seat and one handle bar and helped her balance.

"Don't look at the pedals, Honey, look straight ahead. Your feet know what to do." They did. Pretty soon that right training wheel wasn't even touching the ground. I even let go a couple of times. Things were going good. We went down the sidewalk a bit. And back. And up the drive way. Down the block.

"Ya know, kiddo, you're getting pretty good at this. Maybe we should take the other one off and see what happens. I'll hold on to you. It'll be ok.

She glared at me a bit. "Liar." And got off the bike while I removed the other training wheel. And we went down the drive. Up the block. And back. And forth.

"Keep your head up. Look straight ahead. Don't stop. Keep going. Remember, 'Things that stop fall over'..... Keep going."

Finally we were both chanting... "Things That Stop Fall Over...Things That Stop Fall Over..."

And I let go. And she was off. "I'm doing it.. I'm doing it"

When she graduated from High School she called me to say she was going sky diving.... that I shouldn't be upset, that she was going to be fine, that she always wanted to jump out of an airplane. Yesterday she sent me an email. She was accepted for a study abroad program in Europe for next semester. Rome, Florence, Berlin, London. I shouldn't be upset. She has saved the money and got a loan. She always wanted to go to Europe. I remember fifteen years ago when she was zooming down the block without the training wheels and she yelled back at me.... "How do I stop!"

Don't stop. Keep your head up. Look Straight ahead. Keep going. Go for it, kiddo.... it's the second star to the right and straight on till morning.

OBAMA is EVIL !!!!

OK. Glenn Bleck has me convinced...... Obama is Evel. Whoops, wrong evil. Never mind. But I have been listening to Amurika and Bleck and Shamitty and O'Really and Bochmint... and gosh.... I think they may be right... Obama is a Communist, Islamic Fascist, Left-Winger, Radical, Acornite, Socialist......gees, the list could go on forever! Hey, and get this.... he is married to a black woman !!!!! Boy, don't that take all, huh !!!! Oh, oh, oh and those Birther Folks are RIGHT..... technically, or so I was told.... cause his mother had a caesarean section delivery... so he was not BORN in America !!! Well, howdy-do on that one, huh! And what's this deal about a Governmint Health Care plan? Gees, don't he know that we are a SICK society and we like it that way? And he still, after weeks and weeks in office has not reversed the Armed Services policy of "No Gay Left In The Closet" or whatever the such they call it!

OK..... but I was talking to the Ex the other day and she made a good point about what a really Bad, bad, bad dude he is...................... get this..... he is a SMOKER!

WHOA! I'm sure that BIG Tobacco has got him in their pocket just as sure as that is a pack of Marlboros in HIS pocket! Dang! See.... he's not really a Black Man.... he has just smoked so much that he looks Black. Yuppers! And don't tell me he goes out back of the White House garage to have that smoke, either! Uh-uh. Nope. He Probably goes right into Lincoln's Bedroom and does his evil smoking shit right there!

Now this has gotzta stop! Why look at all the other evil Presidents who smoked.... that Jewish President.... Rosenfeldt.....

Yuppers.... that evil Jewish President got us into a big War..... Just like Obama did!

And what of that whore-mongering Catholic Prez.... the one that got us involved with that 'Bath of Pigs' Scandal down in Cuba!

Yessirree Bob! That smoking leads to all sorts of evil stuff and bad, bad things! Why, Jesus Christ! He smoked! And lookee what happened to him!

Ya know..... you just can't trust anyone that smokes. Nope, Nope, Nope.

I gotta go. Some dwarf told me he has some good herb......... and I plan on doing some cooking.

Stop making sense

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Mark Twain

Humor is reason gone mad.

Groucho Marx

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.

Robert Benchley

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.

Edward Albee

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

Francis Bacon

Authors and actors and artists and such-

never know nothing and never know much.

Dorothy Parker

A fool and his money are soon elected

Will Rodgers

Fuck Glen Beck

He is a lame, loony, lonesome, loathsome, ludicrous liar of a car salesman.

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

Hunter S. Thompson

all which isn't singing is mere talking

and all talking's talking to oneself

(whether that oneself be sought or seeking

master or disciple sheep or wolf)

gush to it as diety or devil-

toss in sobs and reasons threats and smiles

name it cruel fair or blessed evil-

it is you (ne i)nobody else

drive dumb mankind dizzy with haranguing-

you are deafened every mother's son-

all is merely talk which isn't singing

and all talking's to oneself alone

but the very song of

(as mountainsfeel and lovers)

singing is silence

ee cummings

I think I am turning of TV for the weekend......( save for a couple of football games)

A fool and his beer

I have had little to write about. And little time to do it in. My company has experienced financial downturns of late ( which is news? ha!) but to date I have managed to keep a position in a sea of drowning sailors. But it is stressful. So it has become increasingly difficult to ignore a swath of emails from some of my friends, one in particular, who emerged with me from the primordial soup of college to become much more fiscally successful than moi and feel very threatened than they may have to share their wealth with the less fortunate in terms of possible increased taxes to fund a government health care plan. These guys are Doctors, Stockbrokers, Engineers.... but in the past the merging for social occasions was all a matter of fun, music and camaraderie and not a matter of politics or money. The times they are a changing! For the last couple of months I have been besieged by one.... who cannot come to grips with the Obama Administration. He has been crying "Ruination" since last December.

... And I told him to knock off the emails. Leave it alone. We can talk football and beer. Our politics do not mix. He didn't. Friday last there was one that got rather personal... sent in a group email... disparaging my 'lack' of political acumen in that I do not believe Obama has destroyed our nation in seven months. I pointedly told him to knock it off.... again.

So today.. I get this thread....

In a message dated 10/14/2009 7:20:26 A.M. Central Daylight Time, ******* writes:
Yah gotta send this to ****........things will spontaneously combust in Oshkosh when you do.

I'm in big enuf trouble with him already.....

----- Original Message -----
From: ******
To: **********
Sent: Wednesday, October 14, 2009 7:26 AM
Subject: Re: Fw: Breaking News - yet another prestigious award

What's his E-mail?

what the fuck!<>??

So I replied.

Combusted, indeed. Of course, if we need to consider the source of combustion, and then determine that it was not a large fire, we should also then consider whether there was a need to burn at all. Recent studies in our National Parks have confirmed that controlled burns are a great source of rejuvenation of a natural state. Yet a fire caused for simply the urge to watch things burn is vandalism. However, giving a match to someone who does not have the sense to delete a thread is just obtuse.

But rather than dwell on such mundane subjects as minds that are not simply content to watch fires burn, or for that matter, watch a Nation burn or watch friendships burn, but feel compelled to fuel those fires to greater intensity , I would pose a challenge.... engage your mind in an expansive way rather than trying to peer up ones own asshole to determine how wide the orifice is and whether there is room to insert a thought of an analytical nature rather than another weak puerile attempt at humor.

So, hence I will tender my own attempt to amuse.... name that quote! One beer for each one correctly attributed without need of google. Those who resort to using hard copy(or own hard copy) where the answers can be found will be congradulated, but will be denied libation.


1
It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen.
2
A lie does not consist in the indirect position of words, but in the desire and intention, by false speaking, to deceive and injure your neighbour.
3
Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
4
The want of belief is a defect that ought to be concealed when it cannot be overcome.
5
It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help
6
If one must drink with fools... it is best to drink alone.


I guess I found my reason for tonight's beer... the company to drink it with.... and I am sad for all of it.

signs signs everywhere signs

I went to a political rally on Saturday.... a Tea Party (Taxed Enough Already). Joe the Plumber was to be the guest speaker. There were about two hundred very cold people there, rallied around a slate of Bankers and Real Estate and Insurance folks who seemed to be bent only on throwing a little fear into a middle class crowd. It was very cold with little wisps of snow floating in the air. After about a half hour I had had enough and strolled a block away to the farmer's market. The vegetables seemed a lot fresher..... and I liked the signs better.

Don't ever become a pessimist... a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.

Robert A. Heinlein