Tuesday, September 7, 2010

It coulda been the future...maybe. Horrorscopes for the rest of us.

Aries  march 21-april 20
  Your mail carrier really really dislikes the amount of junk mail you get. He/she knocks twice.  Don't answer.

Taurus april 21 -whenever
   The itchy-burning feelin in your asshole is indicative of how people think of you.  It will never get better

Gemini early 1952-late 1978
   Your delinquent attitude towards personal hygiene means you will not get laid anytime soon.

Cancer 4:15am-9:00 pm yesterday
   That green shit at the back of the fridge is inedible. Could be a good time to consider ordering take-out deep-fried Afghani goatskins.

Leo july 23-july 24
   God is busy playing monopoly with Jerry Garcia and will not answer your prayers.  He never loved you anyway.

Virgo nov 32-dec 34
   Don't take a taxi this week.  Life is not fare.

Libra dec 7 1941
   People laugh at you, not with you.  It's time you realize the truth.

Scorpio dusk-dawn
    You will win a small fortune at Oneida Casino after spending a large one first.  The Red Brothers love you.

Sagittarius  9-5
   You're expectations are too high.  Eating Lucky Charms will not help.

Capricorn never-1929
   You can never go home again.  The house is foreclosed, the phone turned off and your parents have not left a forwarding address.

Aquarius  last week
  The Jew hate you, the Mulims despise you and Christians loathe you.  See!...there is a God.

Pices  blue monday
   She didn't really like you.  It was a mercy-fuck. Get over it.

*ok.  so maybe it wasn't all that funny...... but at least I didn't do a post about something with a lot of social relevance..... like this.



Liberality said...

people laugh at me? :(

Sherry Peyton said...

I sure ain't gonna drink what you are drinkin. You is demented man. thoroughly, utterly de men ted!

Randal Graves said...

Horrorscope is Overkill's second best album. I always knew you were a fan.

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