Tuesday, September 7, 2010
It coulda been the future...maybe. Horrorscopes for the rest of us.
Aries march 21-april 20
Your mail carrier really really dislikes the amount of junk mail you get. He/she knocks twice. Don't answer.
Taurus april 21 -whenever
The itchy-burning feelin in your asshole is indicative of how people think of you. It will never get better
Gemini early 1952-late 1978
Your delinquent attitude towards personal hygiene means you will not get laid anytime soon.
Cancer 4:15am-9:00 pm yesterday
That green shit at the back of the fridge is inedible. Could be a good time to consider ordering take-out deep-fried Afghani goatskins.
Leo july 23-july 24
God is busy playing monopoly with Jerry Garcia and will not answer your prayers. He never loved you anyway.
Virgo nov 32-dec 34
Don't take a taxi this week. Life is not fare.
Libra dec 7 1941
People laugh at you, not with you. It's time you realize the truth.
You will win a small fortune at Oneida Casino after spending a large one first. The Red Brothers love you.
You're expectations are too high. Eating Lucky Charms will not help.
You can never go home again. The house is foreclosed, the phone turned off and your parents have not left a forwarding address.
Aquarius last week
The Jew hate you, the Mulims despise you and Christians loathe you. See!...there is a God.
Pices blue monday
She didn't really like you. It was a mercy-fuck. Get over it.
*ok. so maybe it wasn't all that funny...... but at least I didn't do a post about something with a lot of social relevance..... like this.