Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Up for the Game!

Wowsers..... I gotzta slow down. So I made the Badger game on Saturday..... we 'accidently' never made it back to town and didn't arrive home until 2pm Sunday...... was promptly scooped up and taken to a BBQ party and watched more football. I had no inclination to go to work yesterday...... And I met Bubba after work at Cranky Pat's Pizza to watch the Packer game and have some pizza....
even less motivation to be here today. None. I really don't want to be here. I would much rather be back in Madison...
..having some excellent coffee and pastries with Lucinda.
But that wasn't gonna happen. I am addicted to paychecks.
Not sure how that happened.
So here's the deal.... I got nothing..... I cannot get it up for work. I am limp. Flaccid. I cannot concentrate. Impotent.
So I drag my sorry butt into the office and I am looking through emails and such-like business shit.... just so I can pretend I am earning the paycheck I have become addicted to... when I come across a little snippet from one of our services.....
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form....so I'm thinking.... wowsers, this IS progress..... and the article continues.......will be marketed byPepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
Now I am thinking to myself; it will now be possible for a man to literally pour himselfa stiff one.

This new product cannot be called a softdrink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Ya, know.... I really like the Viagra ads on TV. My favorite is those dudes who sing, 'Viva Viagra'. You know the one.... group of guys who have gotten together for a jam session, to sing about ... the wonders of erectile dysfunction medication. Like, gimmee a break or gimmee a beer, but what the fuck is up with that commercial? These dudes cannot get it up.... and when they DO..... they sit around and SING about it! Not go find their female companion and share the miracle..... nope, they are just gonna sit around and sing about how happy they are that they got a hard-on. Sheesh... and four hours later, when they still have a hard-on cause they were too stupid to share the miracle, they all go to the Doctor's office to see what they are supposed to do with this incredibly long lasting stiff schlong!
I really think that is one of the dumbest ads I have ever seen. I am wondering if that is one of the side effects..... it makes you stupid. So I check this Viagra site on the web where it talks about side effects....
"During sexual activity, if you become dizzy or nauseated, or have pain, numbness, or tingling in your chest, arms, neck, or jaw, stop and call your doctor right away. You could be having a serious side effect."
Break me up! I really like the part... 'pain or numbness in my jaw.... stop and call your doctor'.... C'mon... whatever happened to common sense, like, "gees, honey, maybe we should try another position."
Oh, I guess if you sing about how great your hard-on is for too long you can end up with numbness in your jaw!
OK.
Thought for the day:
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them!!

11 comments:

Randal Graves said...

Now who's the frenchie bastard? But which is it, stars or sun? Pick one, already, frogs!

I cannot even comment on your last paragraph, for I fear my own future. I know I should be excited with all the coed eye candy to gaze up while at work, but such is the power of work itself to give one the blahs. Do you suggest a cure of beer and donuts?

Liberality said...

Now that is a thought that makes me laugh out loud!

Mary Ellen said...

LOL! This is one of your best, kiddo.

The Viagra commercials that drive me nuts are the ones where the couple ends up sitting in a bathtub in some remote forest or mountain top. What's with that? Oh...and the one where the guy shows up at a party or in the office and his friends keep commenting on how something is "different" about him (supposedly because he got lucky the night before). What they don't show is the large protrusion coming from the zipper area of his pants.

I can't think of Viagra without seeing Bob Dole's ugly mug selling the stuff on TV. Sick....

Anajo/Anijo/JoAnn said...

You crack me up kiddo

susan said...

I still miss the hilarity of the original MST3K but every so often something will make me laugh the same way. Muchas gracias :-)

Steve Emery said...

Man, you never let up this whole post! Just one laugh after another. The only thing more funny than sex is funny sex. And this augmented sex we have these days is definitely funny.

Missy said...

Holy Crap! I'm dyin'!! Hahahahaha!

Freida Bee said...

In 2040, I'll be 70. Perfect!

Spartacus said...

Ha ha...you've outdone yourself here. But my favorite erectile-dysfunction commercials are the ones for Cialis where they show a man and a woman lounging in separate bath tubs. What an incredible feat it would be for them to copulate from the position. Makes me think that Cialis truly is a wonder drug. ;^)

Anonymous said...

Some personal attacks against McCain and Palin, such as this one, should be avoided because ot the backlash.

You are too zealous for the cause for your own good!

Otherwise, keep up the good work!

okjimm said...

Any Mouse.... you are on the wrong post. This one has nothing to do with Palin/McCain.

Dial information for the correct one.

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