Thursday, July 17, 2008

Great Balls of Fire

Now don't get me wrong. I like the dude. A lot. Great quarterback. Without a doubt one of the best to ever play the game. Hall of Fame. Yadda-yadda-yadda, but if you live in Wisconsin and Lambeau Field is only an hour get sick to death of hearing stories of whether or not ol Brett is gonna retire. Ad nauseum. I love football only slightly less than I love beer and a tad more than I love cheese, but gimmee a break!!! Retire already....just so I don't have to listen to this shit over and over and over.........
Anyways. I didn't want to write about Brett Favre. He can figure out his own life without my help or opinion. I wanted to tell you about another old dude, a good friend of mine, Joe.

He is an analyst at the local University's Test and Evaluation Center, basically evaluating tests that the professors&such like educators use. A post at Journeys with Jood reminded me that I had not talked with him for a couple of weeks. One of his pet peeves, and a subject that really throws him into a rant, is Bush's 'No Child Left Behind' program, which Joe dismissively calls, 'No Child Left With a Mind'. Jood did an excellent post. Go read it.

The real deal is that I remembered that tonight we were going to Waterfest to listenPaul Sanchez & The New Orleans Rolling Road Show, Joe & I, and that he and I hadn't talkedfor awhile cause he was doing his annual golf trip through Canada. The Dude loves golf. Does it three or four times a week. He also likes to drink good beer, porters mostly, talk witty and insult me. When he excessively indulges in the former the quality of the latter is way off the charts. Fun is Joe on the barstool next to you.
So we meet for a couple of beers; he shows me photos and score cards from the different Canadian courses in Alberta, Saskatchewan and BC, describing the beauty of not only Canada and the courses, but every damn good hit on the ball he made! He is really waxing eloquent after three pints.
"I love golf! I could golf all year round! There is nothing as pretty as seeing that little white ball fly on a straight line a couple of hundred yards in the Spring! Son, it is a thing of beauty! I love knocking that little white ball around!"
I tell him I hate it trying to find the ball when the dandelions all turn white.
" Well, Son, that's when you switch to the little orange balls. Much easier on old eyes. And in the fall, you just switch to the little yellow balls, easy to see in all the brown leaves and shit."
I remind him that I bought the last round. He flags Schultzie down.
"Ok, and what do you do in winter? Hit your little black balls?"

I duck fast because the man is still pretty quick with his hands and has an awfully long arm span.
I really don't care if Farve retires.


Randal Graves said...


Although no, since Bush sacrificed and gave up golf for the war, don't you think your friend should too? We're all in this together! Except for the top 1%, but you all knew that.

The FaRVe thing, I don't know, he HAS handled it like shit, but he's still their best shot at a title. Hell, I still think they'll win the division even if it's Rodgers (c'mon, talking heads, do you REALLY trust Tavaris Jackson?) The 2000 Ravens isn't happening again anytime soon.

Mary Ellen said...

I was pissed off when Brett Farve started hinting about coming back. I hate it when athletes do that...shit or get off the pot, ya know? If he does come back, I hope he has the worst season on record, that will teach him...should have gone out when he was still on top instead of going out a loser.

Regarding the golf, my uncle used to golf in the winter and he used the orange ball. I always thought he was a bit of a loon, but then I remembered he was married to my aunt, and I'd rather spend the day chasing an orange ball in the snow rather than be cooped up with her all winter.

DivaJood said...

Puleeze, Brett. Get over yourself. Although I do look forward to da Bears coming to Lameau Field and trouncing his ass.

Golf. What a peculiar game that is. Grown people, normally sane, hitting tiny balls that can't be seen no matter what color they are, wearing really strange pants, and hitting trees. I don't get it.

Mary Ellen said...

diva- big sticks, balls and's a guy thing. :-)

DivaJood said...

ME, I think you're right. I prefer to watch men in very tight spandex playing football. Nice buns, I always say.

Randal Graves said...

Bah. We don't need to be all coy about that crap with holes and balls and phallic thingamajigs - we think about shuffling horizontally all the time. I just wish my wife would so I wouldn't end up sleeping horizontally all the time on the couch.

Thank you thank you I'll be here all week. Hey, those tomatoes hurt!

Anita said...

what maryellen said!!

seriously, golf is too weird.

but some women like it to. i guess they are more like the suburban version of "the ladies who lunch." they have nothing better to do with their time.

Mary Ellen said...

diva- One of my favorite activities at the ballpark is getting out my binoculars and watching the guys stretch on the field before the game....just makes my heart go all pitty-pat.

Oh Randal...I would never throw tomatoes at you...maybe a few golf balls, but not tomatoes. ;-)

susan said...

I have to close my eyes whenever I pass one of those guys in the hall still wearing his little bicycle racing suit.

I've always liked Mark Twain's comment about golf as 'being a way to waste a perfectly good walk' but what do I know. To each his own.

DivaJood said...

ME, IF I can brave Chicago during Football season, we need to go to a game and watch them bend and stretch. Be still my heart.

Anajo/Anijo/JoAnn said...

Let's see.. Favre.. who's he? I looked him up on the Google... He's cute.. yummy..

I'm not much of a sports fan except for golf and tennis.. Does this mean that I'm a suburban lady who lunches? Oh shit...

Blog Archive