Go Fish!

OK. Getting ready for the weekend. Planning on going out and walking on The Lake. It's what we call it, 'The Lake'. I think it is a rather catchy nick-name.

Well the thing is about 30 miles long and ten miles wide and covers a bout 137,708 acres, which would grow a whole bunch of soybeans, but, being a lake you really can't grow soybeans there. It is full of Walleye, Northern Pike, Large & Smallmouth Bass. Muskie, Bluegill, Crappie and Lake Sturgeon. Probably some other kinds, too, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna drown a buncha worms just to find out what-not is all there. Nope. Not me. If I want some fish I will walk into a restaurant and say, "gimmee some fish... and some fries and cole slaw too!"

Well, anyway, get this! The whole damn lake freezes in winter! All of it! Yupperz! Now the funny partof all that is Wisconsin is full of Norwegians, and Polacks and Germans who were really too stupid to figure out that Wisconsin is not "Out West" and they kinda settled in here. And, hey, get this.... they were not only so stupid that they couldn't figure out that this is not "Out West".... they were also too stupid to figure out that you can just walk into a restaurant and say "gimmee some fish!", so these yokels sit on the ice ---ON THE ICE--- on little boxes, cut holes in the stuff and then try to catch Walleye, Northern Pike, Bass, and all those other stupid fish. Boy! Go Figger about some folks, huh? Stupid! If you really doan wanna walk into a nice little restaurant and you really want frozen fish... gees, just go to the local market.... they sell them in the goddam freezer section. Well, enough about our inhabitants here. A real rosey bunch. They also deep fry cheese, too, but I doan wanna talk about that.

All right. Anyways. Being a sensible soul who does not sit on a box on the ice for my fish, I found my self sitting on a very comfortable bar stool at Oblio's a few days ago quaffing a very nice pint of pale ale with Billy Lang and Karl. Nice guys. They are both very intelligent and interesting and, if we forgive them both of their shared tendencies to laugh like sick horses, good company. I was bemoaning the length and severity of the current winter and generally complaining of the lack of outdoor activities available to a sensible man who does not sit upon a box on the ice when they both said... "Hard water sailing"! ? I have an inquiring mind. They elaborated.

Basically.. you stick some ice skates on some sticks, add a sale and go zipping across the ice.

Or you spend mega-bucks and buy something that looks like it belongs on Mars rather than a lake full of frozen fish.

Now, the guys tell me that some of these boats go awfully fast.

The most spectacular claim is that by John D. Buckstaff, Oshkosh, who in 1938, apparently clocked 143 mph (230 km/h), in a 72 mph wind on Lake Winnebago His craft was a stern steered "Debutante", pictured left.

Now... one, I am going NOWHERE outside in a 72mph wind and certainly not out on the ice. I have fallen on the ice right outside my own door, thank you, and I truly do not want to experience falling on ice at 143mph.

But the talk has gone down.... I have my camera charged, dug out the binoculars... and am trying to find those funny little cleats you slip on your boots so you do notslip and fall on your ass. Hey! They don't call it 'ICE' for nothing! Sean may show up, and Karl and maybe Kuks. It could be fun. And it is literally a couple of miles from home.

Now, there are worse things to do. And dumber. Like, trying to grow soybeans on a hundred thousand acres of lake...... or sitting on a box when the lake is frozen.

Yupperz. I do believe I will go look at the boats.....

.... and then possibly go to a restaurant and say...

"Gimmee some fish!"

Tantric Sex!

Tantric Sex V. making out in a tanning booth

My old college buddy, Uncle Rosie, usually sends group emails to the old-boy network that involves expensive cars, racing, ski trips yadda yadda & stuff. Not a whole lot of interest to me... but once in a while he sends info that is really funny.... such as.....

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners :

1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp

8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

.... now that's funny

Groundhog's day

.... has your life seen it's shadow?

Do you know what today is?

No, what?

Today is tomorrow. It happened.

JD Salinger ... RIP

What really knocks me out is a book, when you're all done reading it, you wished the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.

Holden Caulfield

& you can quote me!

"So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd just put it on your p***y but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business..."

--as quoted in a sexual harassment suit filed against him by a Fox News producer, 2004

“Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.”
John Stuart Mills

"So here you have Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research. ... Eugenics. In case you don't know what Eugenics led us to: the Final Solution. A master race! A perfect person. ... The stuff that we are facing is absolutely frightening." –

"The Glenn Beck Program," March 9, 2009

Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it”

Adolf Hitler

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable. Hunter S. Thompson

I have not been able to totally live my life like Hunter..... but there is still time.

okjimm

Please send moneysoon

Good Day To You,

I am Mr. Wun Hung Dong of BSH Meinbank AG, Hong Kong Asia. I have an obscured serious business suggestion of great importance for you. In November, 1948, Ahmad Blini an Jewish Indonesian of great business ,a contractor with the Nipponese Government and also a businessman and also a religious man,being of great faith and personality, made a time investment of US$354 as secured growth funds in my Branch which is a prime responsible of me.

This investment has matured and has been lying in our Bank reserve for the past sixty two years,and under the Hong Kong banking laws,any time Investment unclaimed after sixty three years will be turned over to the Hong Kong Government purse for no one's good purpose.

Upon maturity several notices were sent to him and no response came from him. His here abouts are mysterious unknown. Early This year,it was later discovered that the Ahmad Blini his family and kin were killed in a pirate attack in South China Sea by ruthless unkind individuals on 22th Aug, 2004 at about 3:15 pm local time. After further investigation it was also discovered that Ahmad Blini did not declare any next of kin in his official papers because they had been killed mostly too also. Including the paper work of his Bank deposit somewhat somewhat as well. And he also confided in me the last time he was in my Office of date still unsure by me that no one except me knew of his deposit in my Bank. Of Which is Stupid incredible. This sum of big money is now equal to an amount that is very very great and big indeed, $USD 406,820,568.91 When all interest is compiled and figured and adding to total.

Against this backdrop,I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to AhmadBlini so that you will be able to receive this funds. I do this because I am not a crook and cannot possibly keep this money that have been entrusted with. I feel though that an American such as yourself will not have this same aversion to theiferyishness. I have contacted an Attorney that will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits that will back you up as the next of kin to Ahmad Blini and also the rightful beneficiary to the funds This attorney also wants nothing more that to give you, unknown to us American vast sums of money.

Please endeavour to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. What is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your Full names,Address, direct telephone and fax numbers, age, tax ID, Bank Account numbers, Credit Card numbers, Social Security numbers, spouse's ID and Credit Cards so that the Attorney can commence his job.Reply strictly if you areinterested with the requested information via my personal email; Wunhungdong@yahoo.com.hk to enable the Attorney commences his job immediately. Other information too, please of utmost urgencey and importance. One of the facilitators of this endeavor is in great need. My attorney and me too want nothing but this facilitator is in great need of beer. Please send the fund of $USD3.50 to Oblio's Lounge, Main Street, Wisconsin. In care of OKJIMM=beer.

Sincerely,

Mr.Wun Hung Dong

remembering Nuremberg

The Nuremberg Principles were a set of guidelines for determining what constitutes a war crime. The document was created by the International Law Commission of the United Nations to recognize the legal principles underlying the Nuremberg Trials of Nazi party members following World War II.

.... and the sixth principle......

Principle VI
Principle VI states,
"The crimes hereinafter set out are punishable as crimes under international law:
(a) Crimes against peace:
(i) Planning, preparation, initiation or waging of a war of aggression or a war in violation of international treaties, agreements or assurances;
(ii) Participation in a common plan or conspiracy for the accomplishment of any of the acts mentioned under (i).

But other than that..... I feel real hunky-dory today!