Thursday, February 4, 2010

Tantric Sex!

Tantric Sex V. making out in a tanning booth
My old college buddy, Uncle Rosie, usually sends group emails to the old-boy network that involves expensive cars, racing, ski trips yadda yadda & stuff. Not a whole lot of interest to me... but once in a while he sends info that is really funny.... such as.....
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners :
1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
.... now that's funny


Anonymous said...

These were really good...more more more please!

David Barber said...

Hi mate, thanks for looking at my blog. I've just left a comment over on Randal's blog. I don't mind people complaining about life in general 'cos a lot of the time life is quite shit. It's people who say they are writer's and moan about not writing. Anyhow, the weather in Scotland in April is pretty much the same as the whole of the UK, hit and miss. (I don't mean that as rhyming slang for 'piss'.... ;-) ) I could be great one day and really shitty the next, but Edinburgh is a cool city. She'll love it.

Regards, David. (I'm following you blog and this was a funny post!)

Randal Graves said...

Man, I am a Writer® and I wish I could write something, but I can't, goddamn you, stupid world, woe is me. I blame William Wallace. ;-)

Yes, some of these are quite comical. Alright, David, in the states, we have the urban legend of the alligator in the sewer. Edinburgh is a bit known for it's underworld-y element, whatcha have there?

Laura said...

Those were funny!
# 11 was my favorite. :P


DAD said...

Racist! You speak only in your language!

DAD said...

Me, if I want, I can speak another language, and you???
Tss, tss... No universal translator...;)

David Barber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David Barber said...

Great Valentine's joke.

Randal. You CAN write, as you've shown with a couple of pieces of late. I don't mind your rants and complaints, it's the peeps who complain about wanting to be a writer, then make up excuses as to why they can't. I love your blog, although half the time I haven't got a clue what you're talking about. :-)

So...we too have a crocodile in the sewer, or I tell my kids that if they go near grids etc. There are hundreds of ghosts (aparently) walking the undergrounds of Edinburgh, but up here (about an hour from me) we have a monster that lives in a loch and he's called 'nessie'. Beat that. Although, you did have a huge gorilla that lived up The Empire State who was sadly shot down by your air force.

I am actually English so am a bit out of kilter with urbam myths up here. I will get onto it a post them on my blog.

Christopher said...

No. 16: FOFLMAO! A classic.

okjimm said...

Christopher... I aim to amuse! :)

David.. an Englishman in Scotland? I have heard they speak a semblence of English in Scotland. America is still on a 'trial run' with the language.

Dad...Le Français sauvage est ici! Cachez les femmes! Cachez de la bière! Le Français est sauvage et barbare! Ils mangent le fromage qui sent terrible!

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