A joke in search of a p:)nch line

blatantly borrowed (stole) from Brenton

..... of course, everyone is presumed innocent until suspended by the Commissioner.

But I'm not prejudiced.

Nope.  Nazi at all.

So help me out.... I am in search of a good punch line....

"What do you get when you have Ben Roethlisberger and Sarah Palin together in the same bar?"


Other than a rapist and a whore.

Really,..... help me out!

.... and gimmee a side of Slaw, too.

OK.... just when you think you have seen it all.... you see something that was not included in ALL when you last looked.  (of course, I have heard it ALL, too, but that was before I went partially deaf in dat right ear, so now I just think I have heard it ALL when it truth I have only really heard MOST of ALL, which is OK cause mostly, I don't want to hear about it at ALL)

With me so far?  If so it truly means that you have not yet had enough coffee on a Monday morning.
Anyways.... I open the paper this morning (and being a Gannett Newspaper, there isn't much to open) and I read THIS   
yessirree bob.... I sure have it backwards.... see, these two guys sit oout on a frozen lake for hours, catch 5.44 lbs of fish and win $1500.  Now, Saturday I went to Fat Mama's and ordered a catfish sandwich with a side of fried okra and it set me back $7.50.  Now I know I can't catch okra in Lake Winnebago and I am not stupid enough to try..... but sheeesh, who in there right mind sits on a bucket on a froooooozen lake to catch five lbs of fish......??????

You have to buy a thermal coat, stupid snow pants, bit goddam boots that probably cost $100 from LL Bean and gloves and a Green Bay Packer hat.... and you haven't bought poles and bait and beer yet!!!
But that really kills me... a 'ice fishing' tournament!  And THESE GUYS ARE ORGANIZED 
I mean... there is life in the winter.... things you can do indoors, like SEX, or even things to do outdoors, like Nordic skiing, or gosh, just getting in your car to drive to a bar.... but to spend all that money on gear and then sit on a bucket and freeze your ass off???  Shit&whiskers.... I can buy a whole lotta catfish and Fat Mama's for what those guys spend.... and okra, sweet potato fries and hunks a hush puppies.  Hey, and get this, just when YOU think YOU have heard it all, let me tell you this.... some of those guys build these little houses and drag them out there and sit in them all day....whoa!  I think that is why the divorce rate is so high in Wisconsin in the winter.....gees, you marry one of these dummies and he spends all day spending money at a Sporting goods store for shit to keep him warm while he deliberately  sits on ice..... divorce the dummy!!!

alright, already.... I AM done ranting, cause I have seen it all and have heard it all.... and DONE most things that I wanted to do when I thought of doing them.

In fact, a long time ago my good buddy Tom and I thought it would be a good idea to drive across the frozen 11 miles of the lake, just to get a beer on the other side, but  mostly to say we had done it.
But rather than fish.... we had caught quite a buzz first.

It ain't no never mind, see, but it....

St Mary's Ridge

......was a 64 Chevy Bel air and we took it off the road by St Mary's Ridge back Thanksgiving in 1969.  Schmucked that car up big time. We had pooled money for gas and cheap beer and were just cruising the western hills. It was what we did.
I don't think of it much anymore... it was some time ago, but every once and a bit of something sets off a trigger and I myself standing up  on the top of the road looking down at the wreck below and thinking that  it was raining pretty hard cause my cigarette kept going out when it was really that I was bleeding that much. See, I was sitting in the middle of the back and we rolled that sucker end over end and the roof kind of caved in exactly where I was and I got bounced more than a bit.  My glasses shattered, my nose broke and two teeth got knocked out,separated a shoulder. I have no  memory of getting out of the car and climbing back to the road.  I guess they picked me up a mile away, just walking away.  When the ambulance loaded me I recall seeing Brad, his face a mask of blood, and thinking he was dead.  He wasn't, but I remember thinking he was and how odd that felt.  There still is a small bone chip floating just above my right eye lid.  Sometimes I think of having it removed, but then can't really justify the cost so I leave it be.

Like I said, it ain't no never mind, but it is funny the way one's mind thinks and how quickly you can jump back years and even funnier is the moments that make you jump.

I guess the last time I thought about it was summer past and I was sitting on the patio at Becket's having a couple of fish tacos and Kathy called.  I hadn't seen her in eight years, but something must have tripped her wire and she called.  It was a nice chat.  I was polite.  Good for me.  She was still with her husband, the one she was supposed to leave eight years ago, and I told her a little about the kids.   All over in twenty minutes.  No big deal.  It was probably better that it ended as it did.  But it got me back to thinking of all the stuff that didn't turn out as it should.  And then I thought of Nancy.... and how she came to see me in the hospital the next day after that car wreck, with my face looking like ground round.  Seventy-four stitches, they said, all around my left eye and nose... my lip split like a rip grape... and.....she didn't blink or wink or think... just walked in the room, ran her fingers in my hair and gave me a kiss.  Seventeen is not supposed to be that nonchalantly  breezy, brave, brilliant and I recall thinking, then, that I would love her forever and even a couple of days after forever.

It was all so long ago.  I haven't seen or heard from her in well over thirty-five years now.  Sometimes I think I should try to find her, just to call and say hello.... how are you.  But I won't.  See, it ain't no nevermind.  She gave me a small moment, so pure and simple and clean.  I need to hold that and forget the rest that didn't happen they way I thought it should have.

This morning, a small sand-like fragment of glass worked it's way out of one of the scars, been stuck in there forty years.  Think I'll walk to Becket's and get a couple of fish tacos.

Who's Hungry?

And in other news

A real conservative believes that the government should stay out of people's lives..... but that anyone caught having private sex with what they consider the wrong gender should be punished.

How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb? None. If the Liberals would just leave it alone it will change itself.


Republicans WILL save the rainforest.... just tell them that is where the 'golf-ball trees' are located.

Some guy told me he was a Republican and that he voted his 'conscience'. I asked him how he could do both.

A good Conservative thinks that 'global warming' is junk science...... but that Creationism should be taught in schools.

A true conservative Republican believes the USA should get out of the UN, but that our highest national priority should be enforcing the UN resolution against Iraq.

Two guys are sitting in a bar talking politics and one asks the other, "Why are you a Democrat?"
"Because my Daddy and Grand Daddy were Democrats."
"Well, what if your Daddy and Grand Daddy were horse thieves?"
" I guess then I would be a Republican," he answered.

A Conservative believes a woman cannot be trusted to make decisions about her own body....... but large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without any regulation.

A Conservative believes trade with Cuba is wrong, because they are Communists. Trade with China and Vietnam is good market expansion, though.


 Green BAY GOES TO SUPER Bowl

wow... check the Curds out on that Girl!!!!

I guess there is a football game tomorrow.


But you would never know around here.


This is the biggest thing around here since the invention of the cheese wheel.

Word is that Will-Annoys has already raised the toll price for any car with Wisco plates.







But to be honest..... I only watch football for the gratuitous violence & sex...... and the half-time snacks.

Sarah Palin Secret Sex- Sleeps With Chicago Bear!!

......... how many though is still unknown.