Happy New year

I am out of the office until next year...... I am having a pool party tomorrow night. You are all invited. Bring your own towel and six pack!!!

Max's Room

Max loves movies. He has turned into one of those movie freaks that can quote whole dialogues from different flicks. And he is disturbingly accurate. I think it is a disease or the result of acute malnurishment from a steady diet of pizza, Burger King and Molson ale.

So this Christmas I feed his addiction with some classic films that I loved when I was his age.

One was "Harold and Maude." Which blew his mind. (what little is left after a diet of pizza, Burger King&Beer). And also sent him out to get some early Cat Stevens. Which is currently being played non-stop in his car, his apartment...... and now in my head.

Miles from nowhere

Not a soul in sight

Oh yeah, but it's alright

I have my freedom

I can make my own rules

Oh yeah, the ones that I choose

Lord my body has been a good friend

But I won't need it when I reach the end

Miles from nowhere

Guess I'll take my time

Oh yeah, to reach there.

.... which sent me back in time..... to younger days and the folks I knew and the music and movies I loved then. To a girl I loved then.

In the quiet silent seconds

I turned off the light switch

And I came down to meet you in the half light the moon left

While a cluster of night jars sang some songs out of tune

A mantle of bright light shone down from a room

Come down in time I still hear her say

So clear in my ear like it was today

Come down in time was the message she gave

Come down in time and I'll meet you half way

Well I don't know if I should have heard her as yet

But a true love like hers is a hard love to get

And I've walked most all the way and I ain't heard her call

And I'm getting to thinking if she's coming at all

Come down in time I still hear her say

So clear in my ear like it was today

Come down in time was the message she gave

Come down in time and I'll meet you half way

There are women and women and some hold you tight

While some leave you counting the stars in the night

Nostalgia is good. In correct doses.

All in all, better than a diet of pizza, Burger King &Beer.

Well, the beer is still good.

I gotza snow for Christmas. And a buncha other days,too! The 20th, 22nd, 23rd, 26th then the temp rose to 40 on the 27th and rained, drizzled, sleeted, iced, glazed. On the 28th we received another 5 inches. Shit, this place sucks!! And the REALLY bad weather doesn't usually show up until after New Years. Slop, Slush, puddles.

So I had all of last week off for the holiday. Not really off. Max got his car stuck out in the country when he went snowshoeing. Monday morning pulling him out. I told him, last fall, that he really needed two new front tires, but the rear ones were practically new. His mother decided to get them for him, a Christmas present. But she ordered FOUR and the wrong size! Tuesday spent getting refund and ordering correct tires. Wednesday spent driving in near blizzard to visit my Mom and Sister's family. Two and a half hour drive took almost four hours. Thursday drive back ..... in another near blizzard. Friday spent three hours pulling Max's car out of ex-wife's driveway/yard. I am still not certain how he managed to do that. Cleared off Ex's drive and we had a nice cup of tea discussing the Children and their most assuredly bright and glorius future, and why Max only needed two tires. She said she would not charge me for the tea and I promised not to bill her for snow clearance. Civility is good at years end.

Saturday the temps hit 40, a far cry from the previous Saturday when the wind chills were -28, but it rained heavily and turned the city into a massive skating rink around sunset. Yesterday there was a fresh coat of 5 inches of snow ontop of the ice. Dude calls me up at 7am offering me two Packer tickets at $20 each. Funny guy. A total of $40 to drive an hour and a half to Green Bay and watch the Packers play the Lions? I have great friends..... they break me up.

But Christmas did have a good side. The kids gave me a bunch of old Paul Newman movies. Miriam gave me a real nice cactus for my collection. I think I will just 'sit-in' over the next weekend and watch old movies..... or just watch the cactus grow. More fun that shoveling snow!

Ho Dee Ho Dee Ho Ho Ho

I saw a report... somewhere.. that 75% of Americans stop believing in Santa Claus by the Age of eight.

I am aghast! Well!! I would like to put in a good word for us, the loyal 25%, the True Believers!!!! Why, just a few years ago, visiting at my sister's home for Christmas, I experience irrefutable proof that Santa, bless him &love him &stuff, does truly exist!!!!!!!!!!!

The house was settled, all the children asleep..

I had a six pack of pale ale,

good company to keep.

I wished to speak with the old Elf

tell what I thought

but it had been a long day

from all that I had bought.

I was tired, I was pooped.

As I pondered what to say,

My head began to sag

my eyelids to droop

soon I passed out

all in the bag.

When I awoke the presents were there

An MP3, books&CDs, merriment and glee

toasters&cookbooks, chocolates &tea

socks and sweaters, a new football for Bob

for Jonas, the nephew, finally a job!

Snow tires for Max

to put on his car

earmuffs for Miriam

&marmalade by the jar.

An almanac for Uncle Bill,

Spices for his wife....

Who'd a thunk they'd still be wed

this late in Life!!

Now your opinion you may venture

expostualte as you will

But I'm a True Believer

................

until I get the bill!

So There!

& just remember, everytime a bell rings an Angel gets jimm a beer!

Bail me out, Baby!!

Smithsonian Letter
Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled
"211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid
skull."
We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination,
and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it
represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in
Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears
that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety
one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the
"Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal
of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite
certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work
in the field were loath to come to contradiction with your
findings.
However, we do feel that there are a number of physical
attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern
origin:
1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains
are typically fossilized bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9
cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest
identified proto-hominids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more
consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the
"ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the
wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one
of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your
history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh
rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail,
let us say that:
A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll
that a dog has chewed on.
B. Clams don't have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny
your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due
to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and
partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of
recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie
dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is
likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny
your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's
Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen
the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking
personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of
your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because
the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really
sound like it might be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this
fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not
a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example
of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so
effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a
special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens
you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire
staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your
digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We
eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you
proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the
Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in
hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating
fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes
the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently
discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm
Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities

* I know this has been around for awhile, but it still breaks me up. Happy Wednesday!!

Interesting

Ok. The back is much better. It is a floating bone chip that pinches a nerve. A pain when it happens, but pffffftt... life goes on!


So I am doing what I usually do this time of year.... scrounging cash to buy Christmas presents. Coats in the closet is a good place to start. I never know what I leave in pockets. That got me $10. In the couch cushions, behind the chairs, nooks&crannies, under dust-bunnies on the stairs. That netted me $11.56. I collect antique banks and fill them with change. There's another $24.18! I thought to clean out my e-mail files. "Ha!", you say! Silly jimm, you do not find spare change in e-mail files!


"Ha!," I would reply, "There was a $50 Barnes&Noble gift certificate from the company in there!"





And also some old grins&giggles.

I think AnaJo from New Mexico....(rhymes, huh!) sent me this link a couple of years ago....a real wingnut site, http://shelleytherepublican.com/. I am still not sure if it is for real, which would make it pathetic, or a satire, which would make it just a shade under brilliant. I have a feeling, though, that it is not a spoof.... but it is still hilarious. Shelly tells me about God and choices...

=============Wrong ChoicesGod’s lifestyle choices hitlist : God hates people that belong to one of the groups below because they harm America!
Gays
Liberals
Abortionists
Animal Rights People
Environmentalists
Muzlims
Vegetarians/Vegans
Pedophiles
“Global Warming/Cooling” Believers
Linux users
“Purpose Driven” churches
Mormons
Germans
Government school teachers
The anti-smoking lobby
College Professors
Poets

And Shelly covers Liberals, too!!

For those of you that are not quite clear what liberals really are, here a list of the most typical characteristics of liberals:
§ Being liberal means blaming America first and loving the enemy
§ Being liberal means destroying, hurting and mutilate innocence
§ Being liberal means killing the most innocent and defenseless, the pre-born Americans
§ Being liberal means driving foreign cars only
§ Being liberal means calling our soldiers “war criminals”
§ Being liberal means performing anal sex
§ Being liberal means having no respect
§ Being liberal means spitting on soldier’s graves
§ Being liberal means putting rohypnol in somebodies drink
§ Being liberal means laughing about Christians
§ Being liberal means having no values
§ Being liberal means having anal sex behind the dumpster
§ Being liberal means cashing welfare checks
§ Being liberal means giving the gay virus to your sexual partner
§ Being liberal means abusing children
§ Being liberal means always complaining but never offering solutions
§ Being liberal means being a coward
§ Being liberal means kicking dogs
§ Being liberal means using obscene 4-letter words
§ Being liberal means hating their own race
§ Being liberal means watching porn
§ Being liberal means using illegal drugs
§ Being liberal means not speaking the Pledge of Allegiance
§ Being liberal means not wearing a flag lapel pin
§ Being liberal means pallin’ around with terrorists
§ Being liberal means celebrating 9/11
§ Being liberal means eating cheese and drinking wine
§ Being liberal means calling real Americans “redneck” or “hillbillies”
§ Being liberal means being elitist
§ Being liberal means demanding sex “education” for children
§ Being liberal means believing that ones grandparents are monkies
§ Being liberal means animals are superior to humans
§ Being liberal means humans must die in order to protect the environment
§ Being liberal means speaking to ones plants and hugging trees
§ Being liberal means drinking tee
§ Being liberal means reading books
§ Being liberal means wearing round classes
§ Being liberal means wearing sandals
§ Being liberal means being afraid of guns
§ Being liberal means using abortion as a way of birth control
§ Being liberal means using Ubuntu, Macs and iPods
§ Being liberal means to slander and libel
§ Being liberal means to feel superior when confronted by a retard
§ Being liberal means having no compassion or empathy
§ Being liberal means being scared at night because God has rejected you
§ Being liberal means touching girls on the bus
§ Being liberal means playing with yourself while watching horror movies
§ Being liberal means to stink and never take a shower
§ Being liberal means being unemployed and blaming somebody else for it
§ Being liberal means being an atheist
§ Being liberal means being a vegetarian or vegan
§ Being liberal means hating what America stands for
§ Being liberal means going to Hell
§ Being liberal means being ANTI-AMERICAN

My favorite Shelly is: http://shelleytherepublican.com/2007/06/21/cyclists-the-two-wheeled-menace.aspx

Happy Monday!