Tuesday, February 26, 2013

well Zed

I got a message delivered yesterday via the moztly unreliable Billa Lang. Now, messages from Billa should always be taken seriously. They could be a matter of life and death or matters of cookies and milk, or he has discovered the Wisconsin field of Sacred Ginseng..  never know....or .they could be from the mafia....they could be from the Vatican...you never now.  This was serious.

Some irate elementary school teacher in the wild wild north of Wisco has threatened me with a whack of the ruler or even more heinous punishment if I do not cease using the letter 'Zed' interchangeably with the letter "Sss".
Now I just thought I was being fair with the alphabet and seeing as 'Zee', or 'Zed' to our Canadian cousins. is so under used that I would just give it some more fair play.  Nope.  Not supposed to do it.  Best not mess with Elementary teachers.  They can get nasty.AND....I am not to call it 'Zed' unless I am in Canada.  Boy&Howdy....some folks just don't want me to have fun....Nutz!

But it did get me thinnking a little....and in stead of just lying down and waiting for the thoughts to go away......well, just I thought of the last trip I took to the grocery store and how wonderful the labels on some food products were.  I especially liked "made with all natural by products."  Now that made me think I should not buy any items so labeled.  I mean...whoa....what is in that stuff!  Why don't they just label it with some truth like " This shit is made of so many disgusting things that if we named them all there is no way you would buy this"  That would really boost sales, huh! Ohohoh...and the other one that grabbed my attenion was a bag of "Fish Portions"! Now the good old 'fish portions' were on sale...buy one bag and get a second free...and it seemed like a good idea until  started to think of what "portion" of the fish that stuff could have been made of.  Then it didn't seem like such a good idea.
oh, the shelfs were full of stuff like that.....gluten free, no high fructose sugare (course they didn't say anything about low fructose sugar) and no saturated fats, and 'only natural flavors'.  Damn....see I was really looking for some thing with a lot of unnatural flavor and full of glutens and fructose and saturated with all sorts of fat.  Gees...whats a shopper to do?  Then I pickeded up some sauce.....
.......now how could I go wrong!  It waid it was 100% natural.....and it was 'Old World' Style; god forbid it would have been only 98% natural and 'Third World' style.....gees, then ANYTHING might be in there!!
Seriously.....what does "FLAVORED WITH MEAT" supposed to mean?  Did they dip a few bones in there while simmering? Did they stir in some all natural unsaturated meat by products?  Well, it sure as hell doesn't say anthing about REAL MEAT being in that stuff/!  ohohoh....and there were other things,,,,made of mostly food byproducts, whatever that could be, in all sorts of stuff.  There were emulsifiers, acids of all types, oils, starches, fibers of unknow origin.  I mean... you had to almost be a chemist to know what was in the stuff that I was goning to stuff into me!   And, as I wandered around that grocery store, less and less of what I was seeing was appetizing.  Hunger was starting to look like a good option.

But it got me to thinking, again.....of.....what if we could label Congress like we could food.....

"Mostly Artificial flavor and color"
"Unfit for Human Consumption"
"Suspected human by products"
"Made of Highly Saturated Stupid"
" No Moral Fiber"
"May cause bran farts"
"if ingested induce vomiting"
"Made of Simple carbohydrates. Do not recycle next election "
"100% reconstituted bullshit"
.........but thinking of Congress makes me want to drink until numb and I did not have enough for a six pack......the brussel sprouts looked good
...and I picked up some Zud.....it is great for scrubbing away Zins...but only venal ones. For Mortal Zins you have to wait until they elect a new Pope


Randal Graves said...

"Now with flavor!"

Sherry Peyton said...

stick with real food, and stop mortal sinning--its a sin. And stop being irreverent, God doesn't like irreverence...he likes piety. The Pope is pious, when he is not hiding the church's sins. And they are whoppers so he has a lot to hide. That's why he's so tired. Make your own spaghetti sauce. It's way better. can of crushed tomatoes, pound of ground round, some garlic, some onions chopped, and some hot pepper flakes, a dash of wine...good to go. Splash with some parmesan and boil the pasta. EAT!

Tom Harper said...

Zed Clampet would agree.

okjimm said...

Congressional Flavor? Not hardly Randal!

Sherry....gees, irreverence just grows on me. I am waiting for my old Catholic School Buddy, Jerry Secola to be elected Pope....get it....Pope Secola!

Tom....Bob, alsmost plum forgot about Uncle Zed.....He invested all that Oil Money with the Koch Bros, right?

susan said...

The part about packaged food etc. that kills me is most of those companies are owned by a few conglomerates. General Electric Cereal, Shell Mayonnaise, Monsanto Corn Chips..

squatlo said...

"No Moral Fiber" is classic. If you MUST purchase store-bought spaghetti sauce, try Classico's Sun Dried Tomato and Basil style. Add a pound of lean ground beef, an onion or two, some minced garlic, and pray to Zeus (or is it Seus now?) you never taste Ragu or Prego again in this lifetime.

You're welcome.

Life As I Know It Now said...

reading food labels is bound to give you a headache, what with all the double talk and lying going on there :)

okjimm said...

Susan...ya, corporate food sucks. The good news is that the Twinkie should be back on store shelfs by this summer. AI think the brand was bought by 3M.

Squatlo....I usually make my own sauce...but this cooking for one thing is driving me bonkers. Kinda hard to break a recipe down...oh well

Libs.....double talk and lying? What? you think I shop in Washington? I do get all my moral guidance from DC, though...I call it McCongress

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