Friday, December 2, 2011

Compost and Shit... just saying

OK... see I really like compost.  No shit! Truly. Well, to be honest, in the old days... it did have shit... used to run the old truck out to a farm and scarf up a couple of washtubs of good old horse shit from a buddy who had a couple of them there creatures.  Oh, it would really make the pile cook up!  Best recycling ever!

 The bin on the left is pretty much what the old bin  looked like, only not so spiffy cause I made it out of old doors I had found, and old screening... I mean..if you are gonna recycle shit... well gees, don't be buying new stuff just to throw shit in it.  Makes sense, right!  And everything from the kitchen went in it... bad lettuce, coffee grounds, tea bags, veggie peelings, eggshells, left over bits of malt-o-meal...all the fall leaves were bagged for next year.. all the dead veggie plants from the garden, hedge trimmings.... everything went in there.  blessed were the moments I would go out back there and turn the heap.  Boy, nothing like the smell of rotting shit&stuff.  Yessirree, Bob, Iffen when I die I could be shredded and  composted, why gosh I would think that would be a good deal...

But anyways,,,, there is a story here..and here it is.

When the Ex moved out of her apartment and bought a house... I went over and the first thing we did is build a bin.  And now it is getting run down, cause I built it with throw away scraps and stuff....see we were talking about it and I said I would... mostly because in the course of the divorce I gotz all the WEAPONS of MASS CONSTRUCTION...love me them saws and hammers and golly I don't know how I could get along without my chain saw... why gees, I can carve pumpkins wit dat thing.  Well, ok, see, what happened, what the story is, is that about ten years ago Wonder Girl calls me at the bar, cause Mom had found a opossum in the bin and was freaking out.  The Ex had Bill-the-Neighbor over and he was poking it with a stick and then Bertie from across the street came over to see what the fuss was, and then Jack &Karen were there and so was the Wara boy, the one with the runny nose...andMiriam said that her Mom was going to call animal control, or golly, "Dad, can you come over and take care of this?"  Well, by the time  I got there, it was a small convention and the possum looked dead.
So I said to Wonder Girl to go get me a beer.  See, Bill-the-Neighbor was ready to get his ten gauge out and shoot it and Bertie is almost having fits about the possibilities of rabies and fleas and Armageddon and what not because possums sure are ugly &stuff.  I figgered another beer would help me think this through.  Well, it sure enough did!  I chugged that sucker down... asked everyone to step back, asked the ladies to turn the other way, calculated the distance between me and the critter and well golly beer is only rented, so I unzipped and let that possum have a little extra rent.

You know what?  With a little extra room and a dose of left-over Leinenkugels that ugly sucker just woke up and took off.  Course, the Ex thought I was vulgar, which she already knew and why she would tell me again is a good head scratcher, but it ain't no deal.

The deal is that the Boys down at Oblio's been giving me a good rubbing lately cause I still get along with the Ex... but the way I figger it... you can compost almost everything, including a marriage and piss on every thing else if you don't believe that, and if that is what it takes, but golly, iffen you do it right, you can still grow things with a goodly composted marriage.... including children... and they are doing just fine, thank you very much.




21 comments:

Sherry Peyton said...

Wiser words were never spoken. Kudos for the bins. They are lovely to my eyes. :)

squatlo said...

Love the compost bins, and have to say, yours might be the only recycled beer to have ever revived a sleeping possum. Well done, although I'm sure the guy who was dying to blast a critter with his shotgun didn't appreciate your help. And there's nothing wrong with maintaining a nice, friendly relationship with an ex. Can't have too many friends, you know. And besides, if your EX is willing to testify on behalf of your character, you can't beat that in court.

okjimm said...

Thanks, Sherry...I really feel composting is life's best lesson

Squatlo ... //testify to my character//

she would certainly testify that I AM a character...anything else I would have to pay her! HA

S.W. Anderson said...

I honestly can't think of a comment that would do this tale justice, OKJ. I'll just say good one, LOL.

Oh, and I'm glad you got the family tools. :)

okjimm said...

Sw...I gotz the family joolz tooz.but I was already building by then...at least building lasting edifices

okjimm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
susan said...

Great story and a lesson in wisdom too.

nonnie9999 said...

have i told you lately that you're awesome, jimm?

dcMartin said...

I SO want to meet you one day, Jim.....you are a wise, wonderful man.
And you sure know how to tell an entertaining story that imparts a little wisdom, too.....I bet your kids are friggin' AWESOME.

okjimm said...

Thanks Susan.... now if I could only draw as well as you do....gosh..then I would not have to steal images from google...!

Nonnie... I will not stop you.. go ahead, say it again....hehehe

Aw, Shucks, DC...wise& wonderful is cool....but I reallyz wantz to be rich...oh, well. Yes...the kids are awesome...kinda like yours is what I am thinking. :) :)

Leslie Parsley said...

Too damn funny. If I were still a drinking woman, I'd love to sit down and have a few with you - and just listen to whatever comes out of your head.

I think it's grand that you and your ex are able to maintain a good relationship. I wasn't so lucky.

okjimm said...

Ha! Leslie...still trying to figger out a profitable way to compost what comes outa my head.

Maybe I will make a Thesaurus Rex outa it.....

Gavrillo said...

I never thought I'd be jealous of someone's compost bins, but those bins is really nice. Out here in the sticks we just dump composted horse manure in a big pile out by the maple stump. When I make a deposit, I dig a hole as far as I can and bury the stuff. Itinerant possum, coyotes and an occasional Bible salesman stop by for a snack, but the dog runs 'em off before long. In winter I forget to pull out the shovel, it freezes solid as does the surface of the pile and that's it until spring. The special red worms my son-in-law gave me find a warm spot deep in the pile to tide them over the deep freeze.

Ahab said...

You know, it would have never occurred to me to pee on a possum to evict it, but hey, if it works...

Ah, you're a Lienenkeugel man. I respect that.

Also, as an avid vegetable gardener, I compost as well. There's no satisfaction quite like watching the pile of straw, kitchen scraps, and dirt turn into a fertile pile of black gold.

MRMacrum said...

Great tale of playing the best hand Life dealt you.

And I especially liked your solution to the possum. Live and let live I always say. The little fella or lady was obviously tired from scrounging up some goodies in that wonderful possum magnet you have in the yard. They love worms, grubs, beetles, and other beneath the dirt critters. You should see what they can do to a dead tree up here.

As it turns out Possums are not likely to carry rabies. Raccoons are #1 followed by skunks, bats, foxes, and coyotes. And as much as we hate rats, they seldom are found to be carriers of rabies. Matter of fact, none of the animals of the rodent kind are likely to be holding.

Possums get killed for two reasons. They are slow and they are ugly. I guess some folks still eat them, but even my crazy friend from college who served us possum once hasn't hunted them in years.

snoringdogstudio said...

I'm so impressed! What a great idea - and no harm, no foul. Er, uh, maybe some foul. But no animals were hurt in this show! The image of all those other manly men standing there itching to beat the thing to death is quite funny. Sometimes the best tool is the one that's close at hand. I admire you so much, Jim for your even-handed and sane and kind approach to divorce. Every divorce ought to end up with a new friend. She is so lucky to have you!

Infidel753 said...

That opossum should now be called an opissum.....Too bad the removal of Walker from the Governor's mansion can't be accomplished by so elegant and fitting a method.

Jayna said...

Hey I love this story! Funny and interesting Jimnasium, thanks for posting!

okjimm said...

G'rillo.... whew, no coyotes here...unless I count my neighbors...and anyways, it is impossible to make a bad compost bin.

Ahab...good on you with the Leinie's! Course I keep company with many brands. Hey, I am starting a new movement..OCB..Occupy Compost Bin... it's were we occupy ourselves with good thoughts... to grow more

Macrum... ha... I never ate a possum I didn't like..course, I never ate a possum...best to keep it that way! hehehe

SDS...Don't get real impressed...see, you haven't met me...I am more wrinkled than pressed! just saying

Infidel... hopefully we can get rid of Walker...and respectfully, then, decline to compost him.

Jayna...!! :) I miss you and Max playing in the old backyard! Remember where the Old Bin was? And the Fort?

Hope you guys make it home for the Holidays!!

Larry said...

Be honest Jim. You got the idea of pissing on the possum from the "Friends" segment where Joey pissed on Monica's foot after she got stung by a stingray, right? :-)

okjimm said...

Naw, I whipped it out all on my own. Besides, my Friends don't have segments... but they sure have a lotta a peel.

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