Friday, December 17, 2010

KT Tunstall | 2000 Miles (live)




They say you are what you eat in which case I am a bizarre combination of potatoes, peanut butter, chicken cordon bleu, hamburger helper, Cajun meatloaf, Oreos, smoked oysters, extra sharp Cheddar, ham hocks and beans, cornflakes, eggs benedict, bouillabaisse, brie, bratwurst, and whatever else is expedient at any moment I am hungry and have neither the ambition to cook nor time and enthusiasm. I truly do not want to be what I eat. And I have always been suspicious of that whimsical designation of ‘they’. I have met enough of them. I could say that I am what I breathe, but that would be Marlboro’s and whatever pot I can find.. Again, just like eating, breathing is an expediency that I tolerate merely because, when you think about it, it is more a reflex than a choice..

Ralph, when I could still afford to see him and before he retired, would ask me about my dreams. I would never talk about them and that was the cool thing about Ralph that when I would just shake my head and snicker a bit, and call him an asshole, is that he would just smile and never push the issue. I guess he was satisfied that he made me think about them, even if I would not talk about them, but the truth is that I remembered the nightmares more than I remembered any dreams, which I always separated, you know, A dream being where you want to be and a nightmare is where you have been or a place you do not want to go to. Sometimes those sessions with Ralph would piss me off so much that I would immediately head to the store and get a couple of cans of sardines in mustard sauce and a couple of packs of cigarettes, some Ritz crackers and some cheap beer, thus ensuring nightmares. Ralph would piss me off… but he would also stock me up with free Prozac from samples he would get, he knew I was on a tight budget. I think he also knew that Prozac and sardines produce great nightmares and that wrestling with nightmares beats titling at windmills. I miss Ralph

So I cannot be what I eat, that is mostly crap, and I cannot be what I breathe, that being mostly toxic,, and what I dream is nonexistent and the nightmares have become merely friends I drink with, chumps that never buy a round, so I am stuck with what I write and they, there they are again, say that you should write what you know

Lately… that is nothing. No, that is incorrect. It is a bunch of scrawls in tablets and notepads. Sentence fragments…mostly, but occasionally whole paragraphs. But I do have something. That I haven't written.... that slaps me in the face every Christmas. Maybe I will get to it this year. It is a story 27 years old. I've breathed it, ate it, dreamt it.... it is what I know. Maybe tomorrow.

9 comments:

Sherry Peyton said...

Well, now you have to write it, since we are all primed to read it! I'm totally intrigued! So do it Jimmy boy.

errr, the diet you discribed is well, unique. I'll give it that. I'm not sure how I would define it. French and Louisiana, and Polish meet and duel it out. Yikes.

Stay warm, keep the snow up there in the north please.

sunshine said...

Love that song!

If I am what I eat, then, I'm just a big old cookie I suppose. (a soft one of course!)

Well.. that was a deep post. I'm always amazed at what goes on in other peoples heads. You see... not much goes on in mine so I'm always kind of shocked when I read what people are thinking.

I hope that you are able to get out your "Christmas Story". Not sure if it will be for all of us to read or just something that you are putting to paper for yourself.

Take care Sweetie,

((Hugs))
Laura

Cormac Brown said...

Wow, KT does a more than credible job...very Hynde-ish! Merry Christmas if I don't make it to your blog again before Saturday!

susan said...

The best sleep is that with no dreams in my opinion - at least none that can be remembered after a meal like the one you describe. All of my best thinking has been done while I'm semi-conscious, which means most of the time.

Good luck with getting that piece written. It sounds intriguing whether you choose to share it or not.

Lisa said...

This whole writing thing can be its own kind of madness. Having said that, I want to encourage you to do it. Do it. DO IT.

David Barber said...

KT is awesome. Talent in abundance!

Jimm...write it, write it, write it!!! Only you can do it 'cos it won't write itself. Get on with it dude!

Thanks for the well wishes for my dad. They've been passed on. Keep well, mate.

Have a great weekend!!

PENolan said...

You stopped my in my tracks a few times in this short piece because you express yourself so well with words. I get the feeling that your story will come out one way or another - if not tomorrow then next week or next year.
When you're ready, the words will be there. Just look at what you did without even being ready.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, good news

Anonymous said...

thanks, very good =)

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